FOR THE ATTENTION OF THE MANAGEMENT TEAM

I, the Penis, hearby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

*I do physical labour
*I work at great depths
*I plunge head first into everything I do
*I do not get weekends off, nor public holidays
*I work in a damp environment
*I do not get paid overtime
*I work in a dark workplace with poor ventilation
*I work in high temperatures
*My work exposes me to contagious diseases

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Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your application for the following
reasons:

*You do not work 8 hours straight
*You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
*You do not always follow the orders of the management team
*You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
*You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working
*You leave the work place rather messy at the end of your shift
*You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing
*You are unable to work double shifts
*You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed a
days work
*You have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying
two suspicious looking bags

Sincerely
The Management.