Trouble with VNC

Since I am being such a post whore today I will post for you guys another question. :D

I am trying to set-up a VNC at home and having issues. I have only done this using winVNC. I'm able to run "vncserver" when I'm already logged in but I want it running as a daemon that starts automatically before anyone logs in. I did figure out how to set it up so that it keeps me logged in at all times with a vncserver session running...but then I can't switch users or log out:

"This configuration doesn't scale well for multiple users. You could define many VNC sessions in the /etc/sysconfig/vncservers file to start up at boot. But all of these VNC desktops will be idle until they are used. And for each VNC desktop, a VNC server is run, a window manager is run and, in the case of GNOME or KDE, many auxiliary applications are run. All of these take up RAM, and they may compete with each other for resources like the sound card."

I figured out how to set it up so it serves up the local display (#0):

"Another solution is to run VNC out of inetd/xinetd, using the -inetd option. Doing so, however, causes the VNC server to start anew for every connection, disallows multiple connections to one desktop and shuts down after the original connection exits. So it loses statefulness and the ability to share the desktop both remotely and locally."

BUT, none of those are good options...I want to be able to use it just like WinVNC works...you're presented with a login query when you connect:

"One alternative solution is to use XDMCP, which is how the traditional X world provides remote X access (Ã* la X terminals). But in doing so you lose statefulness because the desktop is restarted every time a connection is made to the server."

That last option is exactly what I need...and I've followed a couple different tutorials on how to do it and I can never get connected. Any ideas? I'm using KDM which I've heard uses the same config files as XDM.