my son is a ****
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Thread: my son is a ****

  1. #1
    hehbriss_mother
    Guest

    my son is a ****

    Hello there people of antionline.
    My name is Shantelle, i live in a trailer park outside las vegas. I'm afraid i have to apologise to you people, see, i am the poor soul who had the misfortune to spawn the rat bastard you people know as hehbris. For 24 years now my son has been a parasite feeding on the good intentions of others - he knows nothing about anything, least of all computers. Sometimes i feel sorry for him, he's never had a girlfriend, although this is probably down to the fact he has the unfortunate medical condition known as micropenis - it's only 1 inch long fully erect, i know this because he's constantly trying to have sex with me - sick bastard that he is. You nice people should take some solace in the fact that, with a **** that small, and being as ugly and stupid as he is, he'll never get the chance to procreate.
    My sincerest apologies to you all.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Posts
    412
    Didn't i see you in that german film - dien mitten toiletten?
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  3. #3
    hehbriss_mother
    Guest
    Yes, yes you did.
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  4. #4
    hehbris
    Guest
    I'm going to beat your hollow woman head in when I get home.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Posts
    412
    Maybe you should have a look here hehbris - http://www.micropenis.com/
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  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Posts
    264

    Talking

    HAHA! This is the most funny thread I have ever read here...
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  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    355

    Thumbs up

    Yea, it's to see hehbris has a sense of humor
    \"SI JE PUIS\"
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  8. #8
    Shmoo
    Guest

    Hehbris, heres some tips on sucking your own dick.

    Some tips:

    Don't even bother trying in the morning. Most people are too stiff when they wake up. At end of day, your body's a lot looser.
    A full stomach holds you back.
    Stretching is a huge help. Here's a few starters:
    legs together in front of you, seated on the floor. Lean forward, stretching your upper torso lengthwise across legs. Reach hands past feet to lengthen your back. Go back and forth between this position and the same stretch with soles of feet together/knees pointed out, rounding your back more than with straight leg version (tuck your head under. Do it naked! Look at that dick!)
    Sit upright on floor with one heel at crotch and the other leg extended straight out as far to the side as you can bring it. Slowly bring your chest down over the extended leg. Take your time, this is a good one for loosening both your back and your hips.
    Lie on stomach, hands at shoulders. Push up so your back arches backward. Hold, crane your neck upward, lengthen your spine.
    Loosen your neck. It helps ease the stretch.
    There are many more stretches, and taking a few yoga classes, you'll probably choose a few that really help.
    Try different techniques. Head-over-heels is usually a good warmup. Try standing up and grabbing your thighs from behind. Pull outward with your back so your spine loosens and gets used to being rounded. Always focus on your dick. Move this grip up and down your thighs to the position that feels closest to your dickhead and remember (always) to TILT YOUR HIPS toward your face so that dick head gets closer. Don't expect to reach it the first time... or the tenth. But try this, then go back to head over heels and see if you're closer.
    Use a mirror! Visualizing is half the battle. And if you prop a mirror on the back of your thighs while you're head-over-heels, seeing how close your hardon is to your mouth will help you get a lot closer -- the effect is wild. Don't get too crazy. Pop your load (it's hot seeing that, too) before you break your back.
    Propping feet on the wall or something is good for head-over-heels, basically because it helps you to arch your back where it may not be used to arching. Push on the wall and you can bring your hips down closer to your face.

    These are just a few tips. Don't rush things. Spend an hour stretching three nights a week for a week or two before you even give it a try. Obviously, a lot of exploring helps. You have to remember to use that idle time to your advantage! (Trust me, it's ****ing worth it).
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  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Posts
    484
    This is just scary. Some people have very serious issues! Shmoo, good advice for the guy, but where did you learn? Jk.
    Why am I still here?
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  10. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Posts
    90

    Hmm..

    I saw you in dien mitten toiletten as well.. can't see why it only got one star..

    Does anyone think.. that hehbris.. pretending to be his mother.. is.. kind of.. illegal..? No, no, no.. nothing like that.. I mean.. copyright laws.. he has the whole Psycho theme going for him here...

    =]:
    ~zѰFF~

    Elen sila lumenn omentielvo..
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