A little humor
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Thread: A little humor

  1. #1
    AntiOnline Senior Member
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    Talking A little humor

    I found this on a website and I thought it was funny. Have fun!

    If IBM made toasters...
    They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.

    If Xerox made toasters...
    You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.

    If Radio Shack made toasters...
    The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

    If Oracle made toasters...
    They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.

    If Sun made toasters...
    The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java.

    Does DEC still make toasters?...
    They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?

    If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
    They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

    If Tandem made toasters...
    You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the toaster would automatically toast you a new one.

    If Thinking Machines made toasters...
    You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.

    If Cray made toasters...
    They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world.

    If SGI made toasters...
    It would make the bread look like it was toasted. It could also transform rye to wheat and add whatever kind of spread you could imagine, and it would slyly imply credit for making the loaf of bread in the first place.

    If Sony made toasters...
    The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

    If Price Club/CostCo made toasters...
    They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.

    And, of course:

    If Microsoft made toasters...
    Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster.
    You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway.

    Toaster '95 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them.

    Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
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  2. #2
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    ROFLMAO

    That was pretty good. Thanks for the cheer.

    Happy Hacking
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Warfare is the Way of deception.
    -Sun Tzu \"The Art of War\"
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  3. #3
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    If Hewlett-Packard made toasters... They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
    i think that if hewlett-packard made toasters, they would make it with crappy parts, wire it incorrectly and then make it unrepairable unless you send it back to them.
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  4. #4
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    i think that if hewlett-packard made toasters, they would make it with crappy parts, wire it incorrectly and then make it unrepairable unless you send it back to them.
    I thought that was Gateway.


    Happy Hacking
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Warfare is the Way of deception.
    -Sun Tzu \"The Art of War\"
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Ouroboros's Avatar
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    Originally posted by gaxprels


    I thought that was Gateway.


    Happy Hacking
    Nope, it was Packard Bell...anybody remember them?
    "entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem"

    "entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity."

    -Occam's Razor

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  6. #6
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    lol.. this reminds me of the 'if operating systems companies made airlines..' joke. if i find it i shall post it here.

    i thought packard bell is still around?
    \"If you wish to speak to technical support, please hang up now.\"

    *click*
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  7. #7
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    Cool

    Now, if MAC made toasters the appliance would be able to toast cool patterns and pictures onto the bread, but end up incompatible with everything but pumpernickle and wheat.
    -Grim
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  8. #8
    if logitech made toasters they would charge for every little component that u can add to the darn thing and u wud eventually lose hair from the radiation
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  9. #9
    Hi mom!
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    Hehe, good one, Ura - It reminded me of the old Microsoft vs. GM joke. For those two out there who didn't hear it before:

    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."

    Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

    And...

    1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

    2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

    3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.

    4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

    6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.

    7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

    8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

    9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.

    And last but not least: You would have to press "Start" to turn it off.
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  10. #10
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    ROFLMAO!!! and true
    zion1459
    Visit: http://www.cpc-net.org
    \"Software is like sex: it\'s better when it\'s free.\" -Linus Torvalds
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