*note: lavender usage posted at the very end of this tutorial


The aim of this tutorial is to point out and discuss in great detail the ****ing idiocy that pervades most of you, and how you are doing yourselves a great disservice by acting the way you do. AND SUCH

The problem with this forum and this entire community is its users. that means you, most of you. You hold in such high regard the title 'hacker' that you would spend eons of time learning material that you believe will heighten you to this level. ---CLICHE ALERT: I'm on a quest for knowledge, man! I'm on a journey of the mind!---- Would you who sing this mantra just shutup for a second and look at yourselves from an objective point of you. The knowledge is extremely limited in scope, usually towards the "computer" sector. SINCE WHEN IS SUCH A JOURNEY LIMITED TO COMPUTERS? YOU ARE SUCH BULLSHITTERS, AND THE WORST OF IT IS THAT THE PERSON YOU HAVE BEEN BULLSHITING HAS BEEN YOU, YOURS TRULY MASTER HACKER KID. Even when you are on a GOD FORSAKEN COMPUTER KNOWLEDGE QUEST, it is often for dubious reasons. Employment. To belong to a social groupl/subculture. Money. Recognition amongst your peers. The belief that knowing a few computer commands makes you smarter than other people. AD INFINITUM. Your reasons are FAR FAR FAR from being IDEALISTIC. The sooner you acknowledge this fact, the sooner you will distance yourself from the idiots that pervade this subculture of yours.

THE PRIMARY problem that most of you face, YOUR PRIMARY hurdle in obtaining the life you so desire, is the fact that most of you are INTELLECTUALLY VAPID. You are, at best, AVERAGE in intelligence. AVERAGE, OKAY? The type of people you idolize and probably think of while masturbating are ABOVE AVERAGE in intelligence, often extremely so. Sure, they do all the things you *try* to do, except that it comes easier to them. THEY CAN FIGURE THINGS OUT BY THEMSELVES. THEY CAN SOLVE PROBLEMS. THEY HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY COUPLED WITH THE MOTIVATION TO ACTUALLY GET ANYWHERE AS FAR AS COMPUTERS AND COMPUTER SECURITY ARE CONCERNED. I don't doubt your motivation. Hell, you're probably even more motivated than they are since you watched the movie Hackers 39 times and you memorized the lines as a QUICK PARTY TRICK on IRC. Let's face it, YOU'RE STUPID. YOU'LL NEVER BE HACKERS. At best, you'll be what you deem "script kiddies". [more on this later] And this is AT BEST, MY FRIENDS, AT BEST.

So what is wrong with being stupid? NOTHING. Most of it is genetics. Sorry, you got the short end of the stick. THAT'S OKAY, THOUGH! Life doesn't necessitate a high level of intelligence to have happyness. On the contrary, people who commit suicide are usually above average in intelligence. People with higher degrees of intelligence are usually more prone to depression and such. COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY. There are plenty of VERY HIGH paying jobs that don't require massive amounts of intelligence. There are also a bunch of "computer" jobs that also don't require much of anything except a pulse. HA! Those are pathetic, **** jobs! Embarassing jobs! Dead-end jobs!--- HALT, I SAY. Where would we be without our KEYBOARD CLEANERS and PRINTER FIXERS and SQL PROGRAMMERS (THAT MEANS YOU REMOTEFAG). THEY PAY WELL ENOUGH TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND GO TO IRC GET TOGETERS ONCE IN A WHILE. YOU'LL DO FINE.

SCRIPT KIDDIES. You are all entwined in some infinite circle of EGO GRATIFICATION. This is really the primary purpose of this forum. YES. THAT IS ALL. You are all here to make you feel better about yourselves. YOU GOT SHUNNED FROM OTHER PLACES FOR ACTING STUPID AND NOW YOU BRING YOUR STUPIDITIES HERE WHERE THEY ARE HURRAHED AND PRAISED BY OTHER LIKE MINDED FOLK. Those that aren't idiots on this forum are either here because A) they feel as though they aren't capable of distinction in other groups or, B) are here for SHEER ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. As for script kiddies, the reason you are all so hyper about shouting malicious stupidities towards them is because YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT THEY KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO. THEY ARE MORE CAPABLE THAN YOU ARE. Breaking into systems requires A MINIMUM AMOUNT OF INTELLIGENCE. Most of you FAIL THIS CRITERIA. SORRY. Move on and clean keyboards with enthusiasm.!

DO YOU WANT IN ON A SECRET OF MINE? To find the ones that are the most insecure about their own knowledge/ability to obtain knowledge look at a particular type of posting on this forum. Whenever you see a post about ETHICS or LAWS or tutorials like "HOW NOT TO GET FLAMMED" (THAT MEANS YOU ENISFAG) and **** like that, you know they are THE BIGGEST POSEURS HERE. Why? Because they are BARELY trying to increase their computing knowledge. They are clueless, and will likely remain that way for a long time. It's not that they don't learn, because everybody learns things every now and then, it's that they learn so incredibly slowly that their learning curve is so HIGH that it will take them YEARS to understand what someone of higher intelligence will in but a few weeks or months. THAT IS WHY YOU SHOULD LEARN TO FIX PRINTERS, BUCKO. FIX THEM WITH THE SAME RAH RAH RAH THAT YOU EXIBIT WHEN YOU _TRY_ TO LEARN COMPUTING STUPIDITIES.

PROGRAMMING. Let's face it, if you want to become a CAPABLE programmer, you need a certain degree of intelligence. My guess is an IQ of AT LEAST 115. I'M SORRY, MOST OF YOU FAIL ONCE MORE. The good thing about this is that most of you REALIZE that you are TOO STUPID to become hackers when you try to master a programming language. GO AHEAD. Please, humour me. Learn C. Learn assembly. Learn it well enough to be able to flame alt.programming gurus when they make mistakes in their snippet postings. IF YOU CAN ACHIEVE THIS TASK THEN THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU YET. If not, then please GRASP THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT BRIGHT ENOUGH TO REALLY EXCEL IN THIS FIELD. Caveat: languages like SQL are not good enough for this little test. I said C AND assembly. BOTH. GO AHEAD. ****FACES. Don't come back on this forum until you've mastered both. MASTERED. You will see that when you do return, you will be thoroughly disgusted with the sort of idiocy textually vomitted by your fellow antionline members that it will depress you so much so that you will leave forever. CAST YOUR SAIL TO GREENER SHORES.


*lavender usage:
You can put as much as you like in your bath, whatever you feel comfortable with. I usually tip the bottle at a 45degree angle and sprinkle it everywhere. The quantity is less important than the method you use to distribute it.

1) Run the water, adjust it to proper temperature (the hotter the better)
2) Put the cork in the hole and allow the tub to fill up a bit, perhaps to 1 or 2 inches in height.
3) Sprinkle the lavender bathsalts as stated above, a bit everywhere in the bath.
4) keep the bottle right next to the tub in case you want to add more.
5) Make sure the door is closed at all times, right from step one. We want the lavender steam to evaporate and remain in the bathroom.
6) When you get in, don't worry about the little salts on the bottom of the tub. They will dissolve soon enough.
7) It's good to close the bathroom lights (if you're doing this during the day) and just wallow in the tub in semi-darkness.
8) Music is also nice. I like julie doiron or mogwai.
9) Make sure you cover the lavender bottle right after you use it, as we want to keep that lavender goodness in there for a while.