(1)I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.

(2)I love deadlines. Especially the whooshing sound as they go
flying by.

(3)Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along
without it.

(4)Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days, the
statue.

(5)Never under-estimate the power of stupid people in large
groups.

(6)I don't have an attitude problem. You just have a perception
problem.

(7)Last night i lay in bed looking up to the stars in the sky and
i thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

(8)My reality check bounced.

(9)On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape
key.

(10)I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

(11)You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through
peanut butter.

(12)Everybody is someone else's weirdo.

(13)Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't
there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
AND finally......




(14)Never argue with an idiot, they'll just bring you down to
their level and beat you with experience.

I'm inclined to believe that Darwin was wrong and here's why.

Darwin didn't count on the fact that stupid people can breed much faster than nature can kill them off.