February 18th, 2002, 11:53 PM
some thoughts on spam
This little comment on spam was made by a moderator on a forum I used to be a member of, spacebattles.com (One of the reasons I left was that there was too much spam)
---a practical word from your friendly local moderator: SPAM---
article 11-the growing danger of spam
it is a thing that has existed for time immemorial. to some, it is a plague that should be extinguished with more vigor than a typical college male's sex drive. to others, it exists as an instrument of "harmless fun," whatever their colleagues might say about the effect upon their sanity.
fortunately for the human race, most of us fall into the former category, but even then we tend to be considerably respectful of those that fill up hours and pages of discussion with meaningless anecdotes about pathetic aspects of life/their lives. most humans are fairly easy-going on this matter, and really don't pay much attention, simply living-and-let-living.
imagine though, that you live in a community of small homes, except for some particularly weird reason, a few thousand people have nice big houses and yards, but everyone shares the same front yard. imagine furthermore that this is the Great Northwest, where the sun comes out twice a year and only then for about two seconds.
as the years go on, more and more people move into this community with the collective front yard, and you begin to question whether some of them are physically capable of having that large of a sex drive. at any rate though, you don't pay much attention--you have a circle of people that you know, and you have fun gathering out on the lawn and yelling and screaming with the rest of them on unforgettable subjects like "why can't I call scotland england?" and "ESSD vs. Federation." fortunately, you are quick-moving and so you can watch in glee as others yell until they're blue in the face and about to have multiple hernias. however, some people start randomly popping up out of the crowd during a discussion and shouting random things about anything that they're thinking about, simply because they have them vocal cord thingies and an airhole.
needless to say, this is fairly annoying, and so you simply ignore them or kick them very hard and send them flying out of your community. those that fall under the latter category have usually not seen much light (even in the Great Northwest) and have rather trollish facial features. at any rate, you don't pay much attention.
in time, you become an influential and respected member of the community. so much so that you are elected by your peers or by totalitarian authority into a position of ultimate domination over your fellow man. not quite like "it's good to be the king," or even "it's good to be the congressman's chief of staff," but still pretty good.
one day, you walk outside your front door to talk with some of the folks on the lawn about various things, and right outside your door you nearly stumble into two people rounding second base (metaphorically). you do not want to see this. this is not entertainment.
eww, you don't want to have anything to do with people almost to the point of having sex right in front of you, let alone on public property (because you are decent person). so, if you're kind, you'll say some words and continue walking, reminding yourself that the community has really been coming down lately in quality.. if you're evil, you kick the guy in the groin so as to stop the process rather quickly and throw both of them out of the Great Northwest, preferably into a pond of wild pirahnas or something similarly suitable (this is always a spectacle, although it only happens rarely).
but anyway, you spot a group talking about something that you have some thoughts on, and as you start to speak on the matter, a person runs by rather fast and runs into you and knocks you down. he keeps running, screaming out random babble that makes rap sound understandable, until someone pulls out a .45 and puts him out of his misery.
this is fairly weird, but still you start to speak again, and then you pause and notice that nobody's talking about the subject anymore. a few people are standing in the center, telling everyone to remain calm and that this discussion has officially been hijacked. they can remain safe if they cooperate and divert their course of talk to what the hijackers desire.
well this quite frankly pisses you off, and since you have Ultimate Domination, you simply say a few words and punch them in the face and throw them off of the lawn.
at this point, you look around and you see this process all around you, and you start wondering what the bloody heck happened to screw this place up in the first place?
over to your right, some random guy starts calling people to come together away from the other people (since they're complaining) and yell around and scream and get laid and smoke weed and random animals dung. all of them are convinced that if they leave and have their fun in another place away from everyone else, then it'll all be ok.
but actually it isn't, because its still just as annoying, its a distraction, and dammit it costs money to pay for this lawn. and not only that, there's a little orgy going just a short distance from your house, and in open daylight (or near-daylight, because this is around Seattle).
so, you come up with a brilliant idea. since you've evolved into something resembling a shadow or a vorlon (depending upon your temperment/intelligence), you walk over and knock everyone down and command them to pay attention to you. you hold up a sign of something provided in every person's house: a telephone. you hold up another sign: a car to travel to other communities and other houses.
the people look at each other, and taking the hint they disperse. a few stay around and try to protest, claiming that they're being oppressed. you pick one of them up, and he starts screaming out "gahh! come see the violence inherent in the system! I'm being oppressed! help!" finally, all of those that are left decide to speak their own minds for once, and those orgy-folk that remain are given the community vascectomy (snip snip) and the community foot kick in ass out of the community for a very long time. the community kick me sign is also placed on all of their backs on their way off of the lawn.
and all then celebrate, and everything is happy and well and beautiful once again.
now, would someone please explain to me the moral of this little story, and what some of the metaphors refer to?
thank you, and good day.
this has been a public service message from your friendly local moderator.
An interesting analogy, although whats nice about this forum is that there doesn't seem to be too much spam, despite the fact that there aren't a lot of people moderating.
Elen alcarin ar gwath halla ná engwar.