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Thread: skript kiddies in the making???

  1. #1
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    Jan 2002

    skript kiddies in the making???

    History Of The World According To Actual Grade School Student Exam

    1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
    Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
    Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
    have to live elsewhere.

    2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made
    unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
    Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He
    died before he ever reached Canada.

    3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

    4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them
    we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a
    female moth.

    5. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of
    that name.

    6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
    people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of
    wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

    7. Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls
    people Romans because they never stayed in one place for long.

    8. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of
    Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he
    was going to be made King. Dying he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus'

    9. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
    Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged
    twice for the same offense.

    10. Another story was William Tell who shot an arrow through an
    apple while standing on his sons head.

    11. Queen Elizabeth was the 'Virgin Queen' As a Queen she was a
    great success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
    shouted, "Hurrah!"

    12. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
    invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention
    was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
    historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started
    smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100
    foot clipper.

    13. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
    Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his
    birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of
    his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all
    in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic
    couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

    14. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
    He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
    Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote
    Paradise Regained.

    15. One of the causes of the revolutionary war was the English
    put tacks in their tea. Also the colonists would send their
    parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists
    won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from
    the original 13 states formed the contented congress. Thomas
    Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
    declaration of independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
    rubbing two cats backwards and declared, 'A horse divided against
    itself cannot stand' Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

    16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
    large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
    spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
    present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was
    Handel. Handel was half German and half Italian and half English.
    He was very large.

    17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf
    he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
    everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later
    died from this.

    18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts
    and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
    reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam boat caused a
    network of rivers to spring up.

    19. Louis Paster discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was
    a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Madman Curie
    discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Mark Brothers.
    I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and weird." - Abe Simpson

  2. #2
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    Jan 2002
    this is funny stuff...i got tear cos of laughing so much, which is a bit embarrassing since i'm in the library... i love the bit about Socrates but i still want to know what Hydraulics are & want they have to do with ancient Egypt

  3. #3
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    Jan 2002
    It is funny. But it is a sad commentary on our education system. I was at a freinds house a few weeks back and the same topic came up. He has a daughter thats a junior and one thats a sophomore in high school. So I decided to pose a few questions to them. Such as, who was Abaraham Licoln. Who was Cheng Hi Chech. Who did we fight in the civil war, war 0f 1812, WWII and Vietnam. Other interesing stuff about the crusades, Alexander the Great, the Sumarians. Then a whole series of US and world history questions. All I got was a bunch of blank looks. So we go look at the text books they're using. For instance it has like one whole paragraph on Abaraham Lincon in it. Then it says the Cival War was all about freeing the slaves. Nothing about the socioeconomic seperations or other causes that brought the war about. The History of the American Revolution was about the same. Not one time was "taxation without representation" or "give us liberty or give us death" even mentioned. But all kinds of stuff about Madonna, ubonics and political corectness. Well, by now you all get the idea of it. Anyway, point being our triumphs, blunders and failures of our past is what makes our future. And our future is the education of our kids. I hope a change in the education system comes soon before it's to late.
    The COOKIE TUX lives!!!!
    Windows NT crashed,I am the Blue Screen of Death.
    No one hears your screams.

  4. #4
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    Jan 2002
    i'm with Angelic_ky...just about fell outta my chair reading this ....

    but i guess not everyone has a sense of humor...

    has already been posted a long time before you, --but on principal im gonna give u anonymous neg pts
    oh...and btw...i DID search AO...and no this HASN"T been posted here...at least not that i could find...so give me a break... ..it's FUNNY...

    and p2p...you're sooo right...think a lot of north america suffers from education by sitcom...a scary proposition...but on the other hand...this is a bit of "kids say the darndest things"...by the sounds of it...these are from pretty young kids....(at least you'd hope they were young...i'd be alot more worried if it was a selection of exam papers from college students...
    I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and weird." - Abe Simpson

  5. #5
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    Feb 2002
    I agree with {p2p}.
    Our education system is horrible. There have been several attempts to revive it but it is dead. I wish that I knew something to help it out. But I cannot think of anything. But that is the problem. No one bothers to change the sh*tey system just because "it works now. doesn't it?" But what people neglect to see is that they have nothing to compare our educational system with. That is like talking about one copmuter's performance without knowing anything about what is on the market and any of the technologies out there. Or for that matter of any other computers at all. I think it is very sad that the main reason they don't change it is that either "it works now" or because "that is the way it has always been, why change".
    \"To follow the path:
    look to the master,
    follow the master,
    walk with the master,
    see through the master,
    become the master.\"

  6. #6
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
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    Mar 2002


    I would think circumcision by a hundred foot clipper would be extremely painful!!

    But on a more serious note, you are all correct about the state of our education system. My son is in kindergarten, and he learned so much more at the daycare he went to it isn't funny. He actually told me he didn't think he wanted to go to school anymore, he already knows how to color....sad sad sad.
    But on the other hand people yanking their children out of public school and sending them to private schools only makes the situation worse...it's a sad lack of money that causes a lot of the problem, and also lack of dedicated teachers. I'm not taking on the whole educational system here, but it is VERY difficult to attract the best and the brightest to teach our children for 25,000 dollars a year.
    My solution is that I take most of my son's education very personally...what he learns is essentially up to me, and I try to make the best of it that I can.
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  7. #7
    Nevertheless, here are the people that represent real intellegent worth of any country, and that pleases me much. Great post!
    [glowpurple]Terrible end is better than endless terror! [/glowpurple]

  8. #8
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    Mar 2002
    lmao!! thats great! im still laughing about romeos last wish was to be laid by juliet

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Originally posted here by {PP}Apocalypse
    It is funny. But it is a sad commentary on our education system. I was at a freinds...
    Heh I know this was pobarly just a typing eroor but I just thought it was funny that you were talking about bad educations and then you mis-spelled friends. Good points though.
    \"Welcome to the real world...it sucks. Your gunna love it.\'\"

  10. #10
    AntiOnline Senior Member souleman's Avatar
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    Oct 2001
    Flint, MI
    Don't forget to post your source Zigar. Unless ofcourse you patch MS vulnerabilities, and teach grade school.
    \"Ignorance is bliss....
    but only for your enemy\"
    -- souleman

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