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March 22nd, 2002, 02:40 AM
#1
the Funnies strike back.
> > > > > An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home
>from
> > > the
> > > > > city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over
> > the
> > > > > road.
> > > > > A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have
> > ya
> > > > > been?"
> > > > > "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
> > > > > "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to
>drink
> > > this
> > > > > evening."
> > > > > "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
> > > > > "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his
>arms
> > > > > across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out
> > of
> > > > > your car?"
> > > > > "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
>thought
> > > I'd
> > > > > gone deaf."
> > > > >
> > > > > ===============================================
> > > > > Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
> > > > > arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've
> > somethin'to
> > > > > tell ya."
> > > > > "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's
> > my
> > > > > husband?"
> > > > > "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an
>accident
> > > > > down at the Guinness brewery..."
> > > > > "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."
> > > > > "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
> > > > > Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
> > > > > "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
> > > > > drowned."
> > > > > "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim.
> > > > > Did he at least go quickly?"
> > > > > "Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
> > > > >
> > > > > ==================================================
> > > > > Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning
> > service,
> > > > > and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my
>dear?"
> > > > > She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed
>away
> > > > > last night."
> > > > > The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he
> > have
> > > > > any last requests?"
> > > > > She say! s, "That he did, Father..
> > > > > " The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?
> > > > > " She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
> > > > >
> > > > > ====================================================
> > > > > A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional
>booth,
> > > > > sits down but says nothing.
> > > > > The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk
>just
> > > > > sits there.
> > > > > Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
> > > > > The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this
> > side
> > > > > either".
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March 22nd, 2002, 02:48 AM
#2
ROFL, I like the last one 'ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either'... Hehe
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March 22nd, 2002, 02:51 AM
#3
Hmmm, I liked the one where he got out to pee three times...lol!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
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March 22nd, 2002, 04:04 AM
#4
Member
Are you signed up for and Irish newsletter, a Catholic newsletter, or both? P.S. lol@the "got out three times to pee" bit.
\"Welcome to the real world...it sucks. Your gunna love it.\'\"
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March 22nd, 2002, 07:22 AM
#5
Member
LOL at all. esp the knockin one
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March 22nd, 2002, 09:45 AM
#6
Junior Member
SELF ESTEEM
Self Esteem
A teacher was trying to make use of her self-esteem courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, a child stood up.
The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, young man?"
"Oh I don't think I'm stupid. I just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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March 22nd, 2002, 10:56 AM
#7
hey good humour friends.. it was nice.. laughing for sometime.. thanks a lot..
intruder
A laptop, internet connection and beer.
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March 22nd, 2002, 03:04 PM
#8
Hmmm....
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March 22nd, 2002, 03:11 PM
#9
All I have to say is that I'd hate to be the next confessor...
Above ground, vertical, and exchanging gasses.
Now you see me | Now you don't
"Relax, Bender; It was just a dream. There's no such thing as two." ~ Fry
sometimes my computer goes down on me
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March 22nd, 2002, 04:06 PM
#10
Member
Thanks for the Friday humor...
A squirrel with no nuts will soon starve.
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