March 22nd, 2002, 03:47 PM
Friday is at last upon us again,
here's a couple of jokes found in one of my spam-filled inbox's
Have a good day 'n' a great weekend 1 & all.
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to Show
off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed
by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge. "What's that big
brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the speaking clock"
the man replied.
"How does it work?" "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an
ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the
other side of the wall screamed,
"For f**k's sake, you w*nker, it's twenty to two in the f**king morning"
The Three Virgins....
A mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married
within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how
their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a
postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The
card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went
to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good 'til the last
drop". Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and
the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her
husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra
Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a
whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky
handwriting were the words: "British Airways". Mom took out her latest
Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst,
and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a
day, seven days a week, both ways."
March 22nd, 2002, 03:58 PM
That's Officer 11001001 to you...
Now you see me | Now you don't
"Relax, Bender; It was just a dream. There's no such thing as two." ~ Fry
sometimes my computer goes down on me
March 22nd, 2002, 04:27 PM
LOL, Keep up the funnies
March 22nd, 2002, 05:27 PM
Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
- Samuel Johnson
March 22nd, 2002, 08:27 PM
Ahh, British humour
"What's your name?"
"No, your full name."
"I don't know."
"You don't know your first name?"
"Not even a clue?"
"Well... it could be Sodoff."
"... how's that?"
"Well, when I used to go out to play with the other boys, I'd say 'hello, my name is Baldric' and they would say 'yes, we know, sod off Baldric'."
"Right, S. Baldric it is."
Pierce me with steel, rend me with claw and fang; as I die, a legend is born for another generation to follow.
An\' it harm none, do as ye will. - Wiccan Rede