How to crash a Novell Network (humour)
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Thread: How to crash a Novell Network (humour)

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001

    How to crash a Novell Network (humour)

    Write a program that completely fills the bindary with objects.
    Use the "8 back" rule to construct directories on top of each other so that you will have to traverse the entire tree in order to delete just one file.
    Use the method described in the standard Novell "HELP" system to craash the server (Hint: Look up the word "crash".)
    Force infinite non-existing connections.
    Alter date on workstation back to 1980 and start creating a few files (This actually works on Novell 3.11 and earlier!)
    Cause BTrieve lock/loop for file server infinite loop.
    Initiate Borland Backdoor, down file server from FCONSOLE.
    Manually trigger COPY PROTECTION from node inside network.
    Alter .BAT files to remap users to bad drive (network will have to be shut down in order to initiate repairs.
    Place LOGIN.BAT file in F:\LOGIN to make nifty effects, hack accounts.
    Crash router or MMAC units
    Reconfigure PC CMOS setup to be incompatible with the Network.
    Cause excessive collisions between two IPX workstations (untracable, no logins needed)
    Use Ethernet ICMP 'Denial' bug on all Internet domains, breaking all standard socket connections.
    Disable File Server sockets using ICMP bug.
    CPU Bound file server with constant encryption requests.
    Selective sabotage -- remove 1 pin from a multi-pin cable.
    Ask phone company to discontinue WAN support from any campus phone.
    Interject failed IPX return packets/SPX packets -- stall network.
    Tie up network with variable-length packet -- presumably one so large it won't finish anytime before a collision takes place.
    Send excessively huge print job to take up drive space on the network.
    Interject garbage directly into printer object, no account needed.
    TSR Hook -- Grab keyboard interrupt and record keystrokes, grab passwords, and sabotage.
    Inject Virus into RWCEF directories and files, Borland Backdoor.
    Press "reset" on file server (or power switch) and change CMOS password... And run like HELL! (not a good idea)
    Force power outages -- lightning rod to physical plant or sabotage by physical plant (presumably before or during tape backups, when bindary is set locked.)
    Bribe or eliminate network manager.
    Covertly break into computer room, steal computer and leave.
    Gain supervisor, and create two groups, recursively members of each other, fill RAM on server.
    Activate file lock on EVERYONE group.
    Call SPA to report on piracy ring on computer network (file server will be confiscated.)
    Call Secret Service, report fraud ring on computer system (file server will be confiscated.)
    Call FBI, report kiddie porn ring on computer system (file server will once again be confiscated.)
    Point out pornography can be obtained off of network to local religious quacks and newspaper, and that tax-dollars are spent to distribute this "filth". It will be shut down due to public outcry.
    Encourage users to abuse computer resources. (Taken away.)
    Send obnoxious messages and print-outs to easily upset administrators and directors.
    Hack an account, E-Mail pirated software to DOCKMASTER.NCSC.MIL, the National Security Agency's showcase for computer security.
    Hack an account, crash a military computer system with IMCP bug (military probe activity)
    Make above information readily available to new computer science majors.
    Fake-mail the ACLU slanderous, anti-ACLU letters, forward to public listservs, promote the possibility of liable lawsuit from a squadron of lawyers.
    Fake-mail someone important a nasty note from someone else on the network not quite as important.
    Stick toothpick to jam file server's cooling fan.
    Alter thermostat to up room temperture to maximum.
    Stick a floppy disk in file server -- if its rebooted, it can alter/ format the hard-drive(s).
    Initiate 250 SPX connections from computer workstation.
    Create an 80 meg BTrieve database, make some file server searches, resulting I/O / CPU bound problems will cause a workload failure.
    Force constant bindary wildcard searches, burdoning the machine and causing workload failure.
    Open over 255 sockets requesting a disk task from the file server (limit exception error.)
    Latch car battery cables to Ethernet cable, crashing all machines connected to the battery.
    Cause incoming network data overload from WAN machines.
    Set off sprinkler system.
    Switch input voltage selector on server to 220 volts.
    Don't give the right name for the printer server when at the console.
    Attach strong magnet to back panel of the file server.
    Fake-Mail "Mafia" threats from the system administrator of the network to administrators at other campuses for no reason except "we will break your network if you don't send us money."
    Sever some cables, pull a few plugs.
    Drill hole in roof over file server, wait for rainstorm.
    Spill soda pop on it.
    Shut off main circuit breaker.
    Piss on server (might have problem, however. Sort of like pissing on an electric fence.)
    Eject CD-ROM while file server is running.
    Remove the terminator from the last PC in the network.
    Place file server on David Koresh's Compound Apokolypse.
    Report the existence of the file server to the IRS.
    Lift up file server exactly one and a half feet above the floor or table, and drop it on it's rear/left corner.

    I gave this to my high school computer teacher (we run a Novell Network at school) - he cracked up.


  2. #2
    The Lizard King SarinMage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    how to crash novell

    just log in........
    or try to

  3. #3
    Now, RFC Compliant! Noia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    LMAO, sad but true !
    With all the subtlety of an artillery barrage / Follow blindly, for the true path is sketchy at best. .:Bring OS X to x86!:.
    Og ingen kan minnast dei linne drag i dronningas andlet den fagre dag Då landet her kvilte i heilag fred og alle hadde kjærleik å elske med.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001

    Re: How to Crash Novell Server

    Employ someone who was an English teacher until there was a need for an admin.
    Have friends in Networking class to create backdoors for you, then use them to crash servers.
    Normally beating the servers with a bat works.
    Have a watergun fight in the server room (in my case, the server room is no larger than a walk-in closet)
    USe refubished servers for a place with more than 50 users trying to login at the same time.
    Three words: Remove Internal Hardware
    Welcome to Hell , where we have served more than all of the fast food chains put together! And the number grows everyday! Stay tuned!

  5. #5
    Senior Member cwk9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    How to crash a novell network
    -Have more than 2 computers on the network
    -Leave someone who know nothing about novell in charge while you’re on vacation
    -Kick the server out of anger
    -Trip over cables
    -Put an AOL cd in the cd-rom
    -Host video game servers when no one is looking
    Its not software piracy. I’m just making multiple off site backups.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    How to keep a Novell server running.

    Send the administrator on vacation, this works for us. We never any problems when the admin is away from the servers .

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    or change partitions in ndsmgr and kill repl during process.
    It must be them again. Start the response cycle.

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