April 17th, 2002, 03:37 PM
Best Resignation Letter Ever!!
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.
One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f-- k with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.
April 17th, 2002, 03:43 PM
I think this has been posted before but it still gives me laughs
i would love to one day turn that letter in to a pain in the ass boss
April 17th, 2002, 04:36 PM
I think I've written 10 or 15 letters not quite so hateful in the last few years, all of which I've thrown away because I stay at my job....
Just can't wait till the one time I really DO mean to quit...it'll have to be somewhat good like that one.
I take it that was from australia or something (assuming so because in america there is no U in favorable)...I don't think here in the ol' USA that it's illegal to give a bad recommendation after you quit. I'd love to research that one...it's the one thing I'm scared of.
April 17th, 2002, 06:20 PM
April 17th, 2002, 06:34 PM
almost a s good..
This will confirm my ****ing resignation with your ****ed up company. I have accepted a
lucrative position with a company where being a bitch is not a job prerequisite for managerial
I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that await
me, unlike when I worked with you butt****s. My last day of work will be the day when you
realize I came in the night before and pissed in the coffee maker, cleaned out my desk, including
all the supplies I requested and received last week.
Hopefully your dumb ass can figure out all the **** I've left undone for
the new clients, as well as the ongoing projects I left you hanging with. Once the
company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they will not only
fire my replacement, but your ass as well.
Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me if should you see me on
the street, unless you want your ass kicked sideways. My experience with
this ****ing company has been very unrewarding. However, I do appreciate
having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a better
I wish you and the organization not a ****ing thing, bitch-ass mother****ers.
Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
- Samuel Johnson
April 17th, 2002, 06:46 PM
I love it, and it's true in a lot of cases that I have seen. Management just can't get computers and I can really relate to the "copy and paste" reference........LMAO!!!
April 17th, 2002, 08:06 PM
**** (Four Stars)
Truly beautiful! An amazing work even in resignations standards! - Ryan of the New York AntiOnline Junkies.
April 17th, 2002, 08:14 PM
April 17th, 2002, 08:29 PM
Lmao that was great man. I would give you antipoints but my comp is messed up and when I try to it says that I'm not registered user. Well anyways your post kicked ass and I hope someday I get the oppertunity to send a letter like that to my boss. Keep the good posts up, and did I already mention that was hilarious?
April 17th, 2002, 09:34 PM
Like said many times already, very good.
If you have read the Dilbert comics (I believe everyone has?) you have seen that one theorem or something of Dogbert. It says that useless and/or stupid people are moved ("promoted") to the middle management where they cause as little damage as possible. You know that developing a new, revolutionary encryption algorithm takes much more intelligence than telling someone to do so or to write a letter where (s)he would justify why (s)he is an irreparable part of the corporation.
Q: Why do computer scientists confuse Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25