Eulogy for Common Sense
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Thread: Eulogy for Common Sense

  1. #1
    Priapistic Monk KorpDeath's Avatar
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    Eulogy for Common Sense

    Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States from heart failure on the brink of the new millennium.



    No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories - helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.



    For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.



    Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.



    A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.



    In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, has been suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.



    It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.



    Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports. So when a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, and was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.



    As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, and stepladders.



    Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and I'ma Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

    source- unknown
    Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
    - Samuel Johnson

  2. #2
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    Common sense is still alive and well in the Irish country side (check out the attached pic if you don't believe me).

    (The crows can't but get the message )
    If you don\'t learn the rules nobody can accuse of cheating.

  3. #3
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    I like the eulogy but it is so sad it is true
    WarePhreak

  4. #4
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    Good one KorpDeath.

    Perhaps one day Common Sense will make a debut.
    savIRC :: The Multi-Platform IRC Client v. 1.8 [Released 9.04.02]

  5. #5
    Priapistic Monk KorpDeath's Avatar
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    Perhaps reincarnation is an option, but it would take a collective intelligence that I haven't seen displayed in any region of the world.

    He may not be dead, we may get reports of him being spotted at the local quikimart.
    Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
    - Samuel Johnson

  6. #6
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    Common Sense is not dead KD. I saw him recently, leaving the country for a while, he said.
    I wondered about the one way tickets to Bellingshausen, but assumed that was in Europe somewhere. He looked rested and more relaxed than I'd seen in a while. He told me that he recently lost his job, where he was a long time employee, to consultants, who were hired on for more than he made. I wished him well. He's going to a village where, as he put it, Tux's relatives live.
    Trappedagainbyperfectlogic.

  7. #7
    I will miss Common Sense. He was always a compassionate fellow. So wise. So understanding. Now that he has gone we can expect Common Decency to croak any day now. Unless of course he has already...anyone see him?
    [glowpurple]With our torn and bleeding hearts, we smile and mouth with myriad subleties.

    -- We Wear The Mask
    [/glowpurple]

  8. #8
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    I bet Irish crows are the only birds in the world capable of reading...

    Originally posted here by garathjax
    Common sense is still alive and well in the Irish country side (check out the attached pic if you don't believe me).

    (The crows can't but get the message )

  9. #9
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    I have no idea what you guys are going on about... Anyone care to tell me how you all know this person? = \ what exactly am i missing cause it seems like a big deal
    [shadow]i have a herd of 1337 sheep[/shadow]
    Worth should be judged on quality... Not apperance... Anyone can sell you **** inside a pretty box.. The only real gift then is the box..

  10. #10
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    "Invitation To Understanding"

    Come on understanding visit me for once today
    I'll be grateful, you don't even have to stay
    It must be hard for you to get over to my
    side of town
    I know there's many people like me to be found

    If you come knockin' at my door
    And I am not around
    Foolishness came by and we're downtown
    Please don't leave
    Please come on in and make yourself at home
    I know you're probably used to being alone

    Everyone keeps telling me you're something that
    you're not
    But I know if I met you I'd like you a lot
    What exactly does it take to bring you to my door
    By the time that you arrive I won't live here no more

    What can I do? There's no one here but me
    And nothin' on tv
    Where could you be? I really wouldn't know
    Where else you might go

    --mxpx
    OpenBSD - The proactively secure operating system.

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