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Thread: head injury

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Snohomish WA

    head injury

    LMAO-yet another entertaining email from my grandmother.

    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
    my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.

    On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth
    was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head
    injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then,
    I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

    The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
    adopt a cute little kitty.

    Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was
    taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to
    from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."

    "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
    (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

    "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
    (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."

    So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement
    about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I
    crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is
    the last action I remember performing.

    It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it
    wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was

    our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied
    between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as
    took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most
    vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them
    with her
    needle-like claws.

    I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while
    rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
    hanging from my masculine region.

    Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,
    in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight
    the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me
    out cold.

    When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
    fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to
    conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

    At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept
    silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter,
    cat got
    your tongue?" If they had only known.

    If you want to make God laugh....make plans.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    LOL, The poor guy got raped by a kitten
    After reading this ill never look at my cat the same way

  3. #3
    AntiOnline Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2002


    I laughed 'til I cried. This one I'll have to pass along to my brother.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Theres a similar joke to one like this, except under a slightly different settings. I think the quality of e-mail jokes is dropping a bit...
    Elen alcarin ar gwath halla ná engwar.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    I love your granny, she has the greatest sense of humor.Keep up the neat postings Faqt.
    No good deed goes unpunished.

  6. #6
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    I laughed until I cried and then I called my husband in and read it to him. It was hard to do as I was gasping and had tears rolling down my face, but I did manage to read it to him. It was quite a good laugh for us both first thing this morning!

    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  7. #7
    The Doctor Und3ertak3r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Geez he was lucky it wasnt an Aussi Footballer behind him..

    mind you ... I will treat the cat with a lot more suspicion...

    Good one Faqt

    "Consumer technology now exceeds the average persons ability to comprehend how to use it..give up hope of them being able to understand how it works." - Me http://www.cybercrypt.co.nr

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Your granny worries me. I bet she's a biker.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Snohomish WA
    >jethro: nope, grandma's not a biker....she's retired, spends a lot of time quilting and crocheting.....and has one hell of a sense of humor!!
    (the first email I ever received from her was a naked man with the american flag....conservative she is not...lol)

    If you want to make God laugh....make plans.

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