Guide to English
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Thread: Guide to English

  1. #1

    Post Guide to English


    We need = I want

    It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

    Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

    We need to talk = I need to complain

    Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to

    I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

    You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

    You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

    I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period

    Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

    This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

    I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

    I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

    Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

    I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

    Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

    How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

    I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

    Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

    You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

    Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

    Yes = No

    No = No

    Maybe = No

    I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

    Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

    Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

    I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

    All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?


    The same old thing = Nothing

    Nothing = Everything

    Everything = My PMS is acting up

    Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain in the butt

    I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam


    "I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

    "I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

    "I'm tired" = I'm tired

    "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

    "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

    "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

    "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

    "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

    "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you

    "What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this

    "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

    "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

    "I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

    "I love you" = Let's have sex now

    "I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

    "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before

    "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!

    "Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

    "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys

    "I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!!!


  2. #2
    HAHAHAHA....omg....that is TOO true... *tosses out some greenies*

    I'm sending that to a bunch of people...they'll get a kick out of it too....

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    I think we need a new forum for just System Overload's humor posts... LOL
    \"Windows has detected that a gnat has farted in the general vicinity. You must reboot for changes to take affect. Reboot now?\"

  4. #4
    Yep, that is very, very funny. I have to agree with draziw: We need a System_0verload funny forum or something.

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    So true !!!
    I have seen so many twists and turns,
    No wonder I bend rules Easily )

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    I'm gonna show that one to my girlfriend! Where did you get that!

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    good one.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    hehehehehehe.. YES.. good one..
    i agree.. we could use a joke forum..

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