May 16th, 2002, 10:24 PM
Things To Ponder
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
29. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
32. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
39. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
43. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
45. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
May 16th, 2002, 10:39 PM
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, sidewalk
I wish to express my gratitude to the people of Italy. Thank you for inventing pizza.
May 16th, 2002, 11:27 PM
Tequila makes me sick....
May 16th, 2002, 11:31 PM
Tequila makes everyone sick but thatís not the point. The point is to get you F**ked up in the least amount of time possible.
May 17th, 2002, 12:06 AM
Good point cwk9.... Maybe I should go out and buy a bottle, ot two, or three even...
May 17th, 2002, 01:22 AM
i luv tequila.. the worms too. but wisely, I stick with the suds
May 17th, 2002, 02:29 AM
What about my sig....
\/ \/ \/
That's Officer 11001001 to you...
Now you see me | Now you don't
"Relax, Bender; It was just a dream. There's no such thing as two." ~ Fry
sometimes my computer goes down on me
May 17th, 2002, 03:24 AM
been there done that....damn good advice.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
Now that has to be one of the truest statements of all time!
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?