Diary of an AOL User
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Thread: Diary of an AOL User

  1. #1
    GreekGoddess
    Guest

    Diary of an AOL User

    Found this joke browsing the web....thought a few of you might find it funny. And since I still use AOL, I find it quite fitting. (From: http://www.elfqrin.com/docs/hakref/h...Ler_diary.html)



    July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me another one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
    July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?

    July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.

    July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.

    July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about communications software. Bet they didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound.

    July 26 - What's the Internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not this Internet thing. I'm confused.

    July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.

    July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.

    July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm connected to America Online not usenet.

    July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.

    JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISN'T THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.

    AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.

    AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA! HA! I WASN'T SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.

    AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DIDN'T KNOW SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE.

    AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASN'T SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES.

    AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE PROFANITY.

    AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?

    August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its probably an extra feature that costs more money.

    August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so excited. I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.

    August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will have to work on it some more.

    August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the earth. I wonder what an aol is.

    August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked but I can't find that group.

    August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad words.

    August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add that short story I like.

    August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    594
    Was this by any chance written by a blonde?

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Posts
    33
    LOL, that's funny, that sounds like most AOL users......

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    4,786
    by the time i got to "when he comes back from my house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework" i had a belly laugh so hard my back hurt.
    Bukhari:V3B48N826 “The Prophet said, ‘Isn’t the witness of a woman equal to half of that of a man?’ The women said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘This is because of the deficiency of a woman’s mind.’”

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Posts
    352
    LOL
    \"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.\" -- Dom Helder Camara

  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Posts
    522
    haha greenies for you greekgoddess i liked that one....
    u havent been by IRC in a while. stop by

  7. #7
    August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so excited. I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.


    LOL...... Brilliant! Although I shouldn't say it....it kinda reminds me of my Dad!

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    712
    That one's been around forever, it seems... still pretty funny, though.
    \"Windows has detected that a gnat has farted in the general vicinity. You must reboot for changes to take affect. Reboot now?\"

  9. #9
    Chris,
    You're got more greenies than me here's a handout

  10. #10
    AntiOnline Senior Medicine Man
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    724
    Top few problems experienced by AOL users when they switch to a REAL ISP.



    Complaint:
    I have to click on "Shortcut to My Connection" THEN, I have to click on the "Blue E". I don't wanna have to click all those times.

    Responce:
    Do all 4 of those click's tire you out? I can understand that. Click Tools>Internet Options>Connections> and then set as default.

    Complaint:
    It says there is no dial tone."I am SICKENED with this crappy service, and tired of your excuses!"

    Responce:
    "Have you checked to see if the phone line is connected to the back of the computer?"


    Complaint:
    When the phone connects it asks me if I would like to start AOL now.

    Responce:
    "Click No."

    Complaint:
    I have a problem, the screen says "You are now connected to EV1." "Duration, 15 mins and 23 seconds."
    I have been waiting, but nothing happens.

    Responce:
    "I am assuming you want to EXPLORE the Internet...try clicking the INTERNET EXPLORER!
    It is better to be HATED for who you are, than LOVED for who you are NOT.

    THC/IP Version 4.2

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