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Thread: Mikes Homeland Security

  1. #1

    Mikes Homeland Security

    I know this topic has been to death....but.....here's a new look at America's reaction to Sep 11th. It comes from a man named Micheal Moore ( I hope he doesn't mind me posting this) who has a show called "The Awful truth"....A few of you probably know of it......Anyway, here's an email I recieved from him today....

    Michael Moore Announces the Opening of "MIKE'S OFFICE OF HOMELAND

    June 7, 2002

    My fellow Americans,

    We live in really, really, scary, scary times. BOO! See, you jumped,
    you? I don't blame you. I did too, as I typed it! SCAAARRY TIMES!

    Yes, there are thousands of evildoers who are working 24/7 to mess us
    Well, actually, it may only be a few hundred.

    OK, fine. I'll come clean: It's just three guys -- and they go by the
    of bin Bush, al-Ashcroft and Abu Cheney.

    Yes, these three have put us all in grave danger. Whether it was their
    inaction before September 11th, or their actions since September 11th,
    have made this a less-safe country -- and they are doing their
    damnedest to
    destroy our constitution and our American way of life. They must be
    stopped. Or at least sent on a very long Carnival Cruise.

    That is why today I am announcing the creation of MIKE'S OFFICE OF

    This Office will, each day, issue the necessary warnings to the
    people (and to the other freaked-out inhabitants of this planet) about
    precautions and action you and they will need to take. Though not yet a
    cabinet-level department (this would first require removing the
    at 1600 Penn. Ave.), Mike's Office of Homeland Security will act as THE
    one-stop shopping and command center charged with monitoring the
    of the doers of true evil. This Office will dispatch the forces of the
    American Public (the vast majority of whom never elected a single damn
    of the men who now "lead" us) to conquer evil wherever it may be, from
    to Wall Street to the Republic of Texas.

    Let's face it, folks, it's not that these are simply bad men. It's just
    that now, with all the recent revelations, it has become sadly evident
    are just plain stupid ("Mr.'President,' we think Osama is going to
    planes and crash them into buildings!" Bush: "Hey, I'm on vacation --
    my aides a memo!"). When George W. promised last week to "securitize"
    country, who among us felt really safe (or "safetized")? When General
    Ashcroft (as the Democratic senators on the "oversight" panel
    addressed him recently) spends our money on expensive drapes to cover
    the statue of Lady Justice at the Justice Department because he does
    want to see a stone breast exposed, who among us feels the cover-up at
    Justice stops there? When Dick Cheney disappears for long periods of
    who among us doesn't
    scream, "PAR-TY!!"

    So the CIA knew this, and the FBI knew that. And they did nothing. But
    will not be part of Bush's new cabinet department for HIS Office of
    Homeland Security. No, of course not! Why have the two of them stinkin'
    the room? And what do THEY have to do with making sure SICKOS DON'T
    US??!! No, instead, W. is going to whip the Coast Guard and the
    inspectors at Immigration into shape, those lazy bastards! No wonder
    lives are still in jeopardy -- it's the out-of-control toll collectors
    the Windsor Tunnel in Detroit! Thank God the FBI and the CIA will be
    allowed to continue on their own separate paths, kicking the crap outta
    each other, and answerable to no one. AS IT SHOULD BE!! I mean, where
    we be today (and how many may have lived) had the FBI not siphoned off
    resources of 200 full-time FBI agents who spent the better part of the
    '90s on the Clinton-Lewinsky case -- investigating the national
    crisis of how to get a stain out of a blue dress! What if they had been
    doing their REAL job -- like investigating dip-**** flight training
    in Florida and Texas and SAVING PEOPLE’S LIVES?! What a waste of time!
    still, to this day, not a single apology from any Republicans for that
    costly misdirection of police protection. (You see, if I were to go
    9-1-1 right now and send the cops off to some stupid non-crime scene, I
    would be arrested. When the Republicans did it, they got the White

    Well, enough carpin' about these losers. Nothing they do will prevent
    next attack, sad to say. So, at the very least, I can offer to help
    our constitution, our civil liberties, and our precious right to watch
    football, eat Tostitos, and NOT fall off the couch.

    Plus, my Office of Homeland Security will give out prizes! All the Bush
    Office is doing is giving out secret warrants to arrest Americans,
    them in secret prisons and
    never charge them.

    My color codes of various security levels will come in everything from
    MAUVE to CODE PERIWINKLE. I will explain the day's "Crisis Situation"
    give you "Your Mission." By turning to Mike's Office of Homeland
    you may not survive the next terrorist attack, but you will definitely
    it to November 2, 2004. And wake up happy on November 3.

    By what authority do I establish this Office? Well, I may not be the
    President, but they've just told me I've sold more books this year than
    Harry Potter -- and, dammit, that should bestow some sort of
    superpowers on
    me to protect the rest of us, right?

    Thank you. Good night. And God Bless America Except Florida.

    Michael Moore
    Evildoer Doer

    To check in at Mike's Office of Homeland Security or to get your copy
    "Stupid White Men, click here:


  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    I love this guy`s site lots of good reading there.
    No good deed goes unpunished.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    the sad thing is that its mostly true :'(

    There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who dont.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Actually, the sad thing is that most of it's pretty ignorant - yet a lot of Americans seem to think along his lines (or at least will happily follow those who do). Quite frankly, I think Bush did what he should have, being "alerted" to anything like a possible terrorist threat... last I knew, it wasn't actually his job to run the office, secure the country, and investigate any terrorist activity (while keeping tabs on exactly what the NSA, CIA and FBI are doing AND making sure they're all doing their job to his approvla). His job is simply to coordinate different top-level execs and trust that they will have the knowledge and forethought to do what's needed, and escalate what's necessary... to me, people complaining about Bush not stopping terrorist activities is like complaining that Bill Gates did nothing to stop a macro virus from being created. Yes, you can attribute it to him, but, when you get right down to it, he's really not the right person to blame - but he is the one people will focus on (mostly because they know his name and, quite frankly, many people are pre-disposed to hate things simply because someone influential tells them they should...)

    Ok... I'll shuttup now... I know most of you will be thankful... LOL
    \"Windows has detected that a gnat has farted in the general vicinity. You must reboot for changes to take affect. Reboot now?\"

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    i was just saying its mostly true in reguards to their reaction after the fact...

    There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who dont.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    draziw - I'm with you on this. Blaming Bush or another politicians is weak. Big talking show hosts, news anchors and other media types find it too easy to have this magical 20/20 hindsight.
    I suppose the mobs are way too easy to suggest thought patterns to.

  7. #7
    Priapistic Monk KorpDeath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    I'm sick of Michael Moore, he's a *****ing whiner. Really folks, if he is so smart and so above everyone else then why doesn't he run office and change all of it? I'll tell you why, cause all he can do is bitch, true he's quite good at writing but that shouldn't automatically make him correct, or right.

    Blaming Pres. Bush for what happened on Sept. 11 is kind of like blaming Ronald McDonald when you get a bad cheeseburger.....neither of them are really in control.

    End of rant.

    Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
    - Samuel Johnson

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    has anybody seen his movie which bowling for columbine???? i heard it was well received in the caan film festival and a lot of people were moved to tears.

    he is a smart guy who isnt afraid to speak whats on his mind.

    i believe he is from flint michigan originally. i love the awful truth always get a good laugh.
    *the wise do sooner what the fools do later.

  9. #9
    AntiOnline Senior Member souleman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Flint, MI
    Blaming Pres. Bush for what happened on Sept. 11 is kind of like blaming Ronald McDonald when you get a bad cheeseburger.....neither of them are really in control.
    No, but if you spill hot coffee in your lap, you will get a **** load of cash from good old Ronald.
    \"Ignorance is bliss....
    but only for your enemy\"
    -- souleman

  10. #10
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002


    So I guess the guys that flew airplanes into buildings and murdered thousands of people were working for Bush? And if certain uninformed people in our society didn't "Monday morning quarterback" the situation to death we would not have to deal with 31 flavors of color coded alerts and elevated alert status. I wish these people would just shutup and let the administration and military flush these SOBs out of their holes and terminate them with exterme prejudice. Reforms in the FBI and the CIA are needed to help nail these people, so be it. As far as Micheal Moore goes, I feel sorry for this misguided individual.

    Also, what draziw and gold eagle said!

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