New Viruses (humor)
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Thread: New Viruses (humor)

  1. #1
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    Talking New Viruses (humor)

    1. THE ALGORE Virus.... (Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting)


    2. THE CLINTON Virus.... (Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)


    3. THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus... (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)


    4. THE LEWINSKY virus... (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)


    5. THE RONALD REAGAN virus.... (Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)


    6. THE MIKE TYSON virus.... (Quits after two bytes)


    7. THE OPRAH WINFREY virus.... (Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb)


    8. THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... (Deletes all old files)


    9. THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus... (Disks can no longer be inserted)


    10. THE PROZAC virus... (Totally screws up your RAM, but your Processor doesn't care)


    11. THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... (Only attacks minor files)


    12. THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus... (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)


    13. THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5inch floppy, then discards it through Windows

  2. #2
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    13. THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5inch floppy, then discards it through Windows
    LOL!!! all of those were hilarious

  3. #3
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    now those are great!! where do you find all this humor?
    Who is to say that the next step in evolution is not statistical chance...but rather a byproduct of our own will? That from here on out, nature stops deciding who survives and who doesn\'t, but our own decisions?

    -The Monk

    http://www.AntiOnline.com/sig.php?imageid=148

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    sorry.. that's top secret information.. if i told ya, i'd have to kill ya..

    na.. pm me and i'll give ya a link or 50

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    LOL. keep them going dude

  6. #6
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    13. THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5inch floppy, then discards it through Windows
    That has got to be the funniest damn thing I've read in awhile!

    I'm going to include a shameless plug here to one of my own previous posts..if you like virus humor, this one should do it for you too.

    http://www.antionline.com/showthread...hreadid=228146

    Deb
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  7. #7
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    this is a copy of
    the Irish virus, seeing as we aren't so technologically advanced in Ireland, please manually delete all the files on your computer.

    that'd be grand thanks.
    Hmm...theres something a little peculiar here. Oh i see what it is! the sentence is talking about itself! do you see that? what do you mean? sentences can\'t talk! No, but they REFER to things, and this one refers directly-unambigeously-unmistakably-to the very sentence which it is!

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    Congressional Virus v 1.0 : Computer locks up, screen splits vertically
    with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the
    problem.

    Congressional Virus v 1.5 : Overdraws your disk space.

    Congressional Virus v 2.0 : Runs every program on the hard drive
    simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

    Dan Quayle Virus v 1.0: Their is sumthing rong with yor compueter, ewe just
    can't figyour out watt.

    Dan Quayle Virus v 1.5 : Prevents your system from spawning any child
    processes without joining into a binary network.

    Dan Quayle Virus v 2.0 : Forces your computer to play "PGA TOUR" from
    10:00am to 4:00pm six days a week.

    Tipper Gore Virus : When you attempt to play any sound file, it
    pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable
    for children.

    Right To Life Virus : Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
    how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to
    first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

    Right-To-Life Virus : Before allowing you to delete any file, it
    first asks you if you've considered the alternatives.

    Ross Perot Virus v 1.0 : Activates every component in your system, just
    before the whole thing quits.

    Ross Perot Virus v 1.5 : Runs for awhile, leaves the system, then
    re-appears, but with less effect.

    Ross Perot Virus v 2.0 : Same as Jerry Brown Virus, only nicer fonts are
    used and it appears to have a lot more money and reality put into its
    development.

    Mario Cuomo Virus : It would be a great Virus, but it refuses to run.

    Oprah Winfrey Virus : Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
    and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

    Ted Turner Virus : Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

    Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

    Government Ecomomist Virus : Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
    software says everything is fine.

    New World Order Virus : Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
    people really mad just thinking about it.

    Ted Kennedy Virus : Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

    Anita Hill Virus : Lies dormant for ten years.

    Warren Commission Virus : Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

    Jerry Brown Virus : Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

    David Duke Virus : Makes your screen go completely white.

    Paul Tsongas Virus : Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

    Pat Buchanan Virus : Shifts all your output to the extreme right of
    your screen.

    Richard Nixon Virus : Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can
    wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

    The Madonna Virus : If your computer gets this Virus, lock up your dog!

    Terry Randall Virus : Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
    "abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

    Texas Virus : Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.

    Adam And Eve Virus : Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

    Jeffrey Dahmer Virus : Eats away at your systems resources piece by piece.

    Warren Beatty Virus : Constantly tries to prove it's virility by
    attaching itself to younger or newer files.

    Airline Virus : You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

    Freudian Virus : Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
    own motherboard.

    PBS Virus : Your PC stops what it's doing every few minutes to ask for money.

    Elvis Virus : Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then
    self-destucts, only to resurface at shopping malls and service
    stations across rural America.

    Ollie North Virus : Turns your printer into a document shredder.

    Nike Virus : Just does it.

    Sears Virus : Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
    power supply and a set of shocks.

    Jimmy Hoffa Virus : Nobody can find it.

    Kevorkian Virus : Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

    Imelda Marcos Virus : Sings you a song (slightly off-key) on boot
    up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all
    on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

    Clinton Virus v 1.0: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to
    poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich
    ones. This Virus protests your computer's involvement in other
    computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for
    12 years.

    Bill Clinton Virus v 1.5 : This Virus mutates from region to region and
    we're not exactly sure what it does.

    Clinton Virus v 2.0 - Fills you with the compulsion to cut wasteful
    government spending at the same time that it compels you to hop into an
    airplane for a $200.00 haircut at taxpayer expense.

    Star Trek Virus : Invades your system in places where no Virus has gone before.

    Healthcare Virus : Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
    and sends a you a bill for $4,500.

    George Bush Virus v 1.0 (JAPANESE STRAIN) : Eats some of your files, then
    immediately regurgitates them.

    George Bush Virus v 1.5 : It starts by boldly stating "Read my text ... No
    new Files" onscreen, proceeds to fill up all the free space on your
    hard drive with new files, and then blames it on the Congress Virus.

    George Bush Virus v 2.0 - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it
    until November.

    Quantum Leap Virus : One day your PC is a laptop, the next day it is
    a Macintosh, then a Nintendo.

    LAPD Virus : It claims it feels threatened by the other files on
    your PC and erases them in "self-defence".

    Airline Virus : You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

    Al Gore UNIX Virus : Whenever you inquire about one of your
    environment variables, it shows you the current setting, but then
    tacks on an alarmist message concerning the future of the variable.

    AT&T Virus : every three minutes it complains that it's sick of
    circles.

    Sprint Virus : Periodically runs sound file of a pin dropping.

    MCI Virus v 1.0 : Encourages you to send it to your friends and family.

    MCI Virus v 1.5 : Every three minutes it asks another true/false
    question.

    MCI Virus v 2.0 : Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
    too much for the AT&T Virus.

    AT&T Virus : Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
    are getting.

    Billy Graham Virus : When you save a file, it prints, "I am saved!" to
    the screen.

    Birthday Virus : Keeps advancing your clock by another year.

    Bobbit Virus : It turns a 7.5meg hardrive to a 3 1/2 inch floppy
    drive.

    Bush Virus : Before you buy a new computer, it claims that your old
    computer works on voodoo programming. After you buy your new computer, it
    maintains the course of your old computer. For to do otherwise wouldn't be
    prudent at this juncture.

    Chicago Cubs Virus : Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last
    in the reviews, but you still love it!

    Cleveland Indians Virus - Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a
    286/AT.

    Federal Bureacrat Virus : Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
    little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim
    to be the most important part of the computer.

    Gridlock Virus : Keeps shuffling information that it calls 'bills'
    between your CPU and BUS, sending messages like 'House Bill #xxxx
    is unacceptable to Senate'. Never gets any work done.

    Imelda Marcos Virus : Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up,
    then subtracts money from your Quicken Account, and spends it all on expensive
    shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

    Johnny Cochrane Virus : Constantly gloats on how fast it us when
    compared to the Marcia Clark Virus.

    Joke Virus : poses as a harmless list of funny computer Virus names!
    Is quickly passed from one user to all other users known via e-mail,
    consequently consuming all known network resources.

    Left-Wing-Drivel Virus - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling
    and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.

    Marcia Clark Virus - Asks for more time every time you give a command.

    Michael Jackson Virus : Hard to identify because it is constantly
    altering its appearance. This Virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash
    your car.

    Ponzi Virus : It logs onto your bank's computer and transfers $1 into
    the accounts of the owners of the last 10 computers it was on. It
    then attaches itself to the next 10 items of mail you send.

    Reagan Virus :- Puts your computer to sleep for eight years. When your
    computer wakes up, you're three trillion more dollars in debt.

    Right-Wing-Hardliner Virus : Won't allow any changes on your system,
    but keeps saying that things will get better as soon as it takes
    over the Whitehouse.

    Federal Bureacrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
    little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which
    claim to be the most important part of the computer.

    Gallup Virus : Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent
    of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent
    margin of error). =][]

    Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary Virus does not horse around. It
    warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by
    C:.

    Politically Correct Virus : Never calls itself a "Virus", but instead
    refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

  9. #9
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    |Politically Correct Virus : Never calls itself a "Virus", but instead |
    |refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism". |
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    this is funny stuff!
    The Windows Virus: makes all other operating systems crash for no reason and gives fatal errors because there isn't anything else wrong at that time.
    I AM THE INTERNET
    I AM tHeHeTeRiC

  10. #10
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    Who would have thought viruses could be so funny? lol

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