July 14th, 2002, 06:35 AM
A Guy's guide to Geek Girls
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IF YOU MISSED FAKEBOY'S THREAD "THE GIRLS GUIDE TO GEEK GUYS" GO HERE
A Guy's Guide to Geek Girls
BY LISA MICHAUD
a response in light-hearted fun to A GIRL'S GUIDE TO GEEK GUYS
Now Illustrated with carefully selected elements of the General Protection Fault comic strip! All images ©Jeffrey T. Darlington, all rights reserved. Used with permission. Redistribution of the images in whole or part is prohibited.
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This essay is copyrighted by Lisa Michaud, ©1996, 1999, 2001. It may be saved, downloaded, or distributed in email or paper form providing that the author's name and this notice remain attached to the essay and no profit is obtained from the distribution. (Any profit obtained from this essay without prior consent of the author is a violation of copyright.) Please link to this essay at http://www.eecis.udel.edu/~masterma/glasses/ rather than reproduce it on another webpage. Do not alter the text of any copy you make in any way. Questions should be directed to the author at email@example.com. Share and enjoy.
Why the Geek Girl?
So you realized that you're never going to meet Kim Basinger. Moreover, the pretty thing in your Sociology class or the leggy new secretary in the office has given you the cold shoulder three weeks in a row. You're feeling fairly dejected. You obviously haven't considered dating a geek girl.
Unlike the cute things you've been chasing, geek girls learned long ago that physical attributes aren't as important as the person underneath. On the Internet, they can participate in great, anonymous cybercommunities, they can IRC, they can MUD, they can email; they can interact with people intimately without ever meeting them face to face. They are more attracted to intelligence than testosterone; they don't need football players - in fact, most of them find them to be a turnoff. Most importantly, they like fellow geeks - prefer them, even. With a geek girl, a geek guy has a decided advantage. They understand them; they are understood by them. This could actually work.
Where to Find Geek Girls
Well, every geek girl knows that the Internet is not just a tool. It's a communications device. Most geek girls have a very active online life; that may be the only part of their life that is active right now. Look for them on the 'net, or even, if you're brave, in the lab; but be careful. A geek girl might not be as comfortable with you in person as she is online; sometimes it's best to try the 'impersonal' route first. 
Attracting the Geek Girl
Geek girls are not attracted to neanderthals. In fact, surviving out there amongst the net.tomcats, they have developed rather finely-honed defenses. Therefore, an email saying, "Me Tarzan, you Jane," will most likely be met with a spout of flame the likes of which you have probably never seen before, and if you can't get into your asbestos suit fast enough, it's not our fault.
Therefore, the brash approach is not always the best tactic. Before flooding the bandwidth with your testosterone, it is always good to acquaint yourself with the geek girl in question and familiarize yourself with her haunts. Read her favorite newsgroups for a while; verse yourself in her interests. When you feel ready, venture forth a post or two, but be careful; sound intelligent. If it's been said before, don't repeat it. If it's off topic, don't mention it. Most importantly, if it's flamebait, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. One of the quickest ways to turn off a geek girl is to show yourself unknowledgeable of net.etiquette. Twinks need not apply.
If she likes what you said, the geek girl may write back to you in private email. Private email conversations are a great way to get to know a geek girl, but do not get ahead of yourself! Thanks to the joys of email, the geek girl has had to fend off as many come-ons as a blonde bombshell who frequents singles bars. Keep the conversation neutral until she changes it.
Talking to the Geek Girl
There are many topics of conversation the geek girl may be interested in discussing. One of the most popular ones is Science Fiction; geek girls are often avid SF fans, and many will gleefully analyze the latest B5 episode for hours with you; however, there are a few things to keep in mind where the geek girl take on Science Fiction is concerned:
Ivanova is God.
Voyager got it right: a woman's place IS in the Captain's chair. Or in Engineering. Or anywhere else that requires her to use her brain instead of just being a 'nurturing figure.'
Harry Kim is DARNED CUTE. Corollary: Tom Paris is a PIG. 
The 'spandex in space' phenomenon is evil unless it's Picard in his riding pants. Mulder in his Speedo, while not being a space phenomenon so to speak, is still also quite acceptable. 
Every geek girl has had a crush on Han Solo or Luke Skywalker. Most of us, both. Many of us still do, secretly.
Episodes that explore a character's inner feelings are just as important, if not more so, than ones where they go around shooting things.
Geek girls like Spock better than Kirk. Don't ask, it just IS.
"Nice butt." 
Geek girls stick together, and look for themselves in their entertainment. They will pick up on the brainy computer whiz kid actually being a girl for a change. They will cheer when a woman becomes Chief of Engineering. If you know what's good for you, you will cheer, too.
"Would someone get this walking carpet out of my way??!"
Geek girls can be stunning
when they want to.
Geek Girl Appearance
So you finally get to meet your geek girl in person. What does she look like? Most geek girls have low-maintenance appearances. After all, their online life is often more active than their RL existence, so why bother? More important, however, is the comfort issue. They want to be comfortable; and, in the end, someone who prefers being comfortable to 'looking good' is probably someone who's a lot more comfortable to be around.
Jeans are the staple element of the geek girl wardrobe. Glasses, usually strong, are also a familiar touch. The hair can be any length, but in almost all cases, it is OUT OF THE WAY. They don't dress for success. They dress for comfort, for long hours in the lab, for convenience. This is not to say that geek girls aren't capable of looking nice; they can be quite striking when the mood suits them. Most of the time, however, they are under fluorescent lighting and bent over the monitor, so makeup, suits, and high heels are utterly pointless. Not that they aren't anyway, of course.
Be sensitive to the range of gifts the geek girl can appreciate.
Maintaining the Geek Girl
Once you've got her, the next step is keeping her. To do this, just remember that your geek girl has a few special things about her that distinguish her from other women. All women like gifts, but the geek girl's tastes are different. The average woman likes flowers, but the geek girl is not average, and would probably rather not be bothered with something so transient. A Star Trek mousepad would last much longer. Thinking of getting her a necklace? Why not a new sound card instead? A makeup table would not get much use, but a new computer desk would probably see her more than you do. Use your brain when choosing the gifts; that's what she likes you for, anyway. 
In closing, remember that a geek girl is a rewarding choice for a happy life. Unencumbered by many of the more ridiculous of society's trappings, she is a comfortable person who uses her brain and who wants to be with someone who does the same. If you qualify, a geek girl may be for you!
I did not come here to tell you how it is going to end, I came here to tell you how it was going to begin. I\'m going to hang up this phone, then I\'m going to tell these people what you don\'t want them to hear.