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Thread: Darwin Awards...Funny stuff

  1. #1
    Gray Haired Old Fart aeallison's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Buffalo, Missouri USA

    Talking Darwin Awards...Funny stuff

    My cousin sent me this in an e-mail...enjoy still LMFAO

    It's that time again . . . . . They are finally out.

    You know about The Darwin Awards: the annual honor given to the person
    who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the
    most extraordinarily stupid way.

    Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
    which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda
    out of it.

    And this years nominees are:

    Semifinalist #1
    A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting
    drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
    mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him
    ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting
    explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

    Semifinalist #2
    Three Brazilian men were flying in a lig! ht aircraft
    at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they
    decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of
    their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
    with their pants around their ankles.

    Semifinalist #3
    A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
    tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad
    trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
    taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one
    foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
    jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
    investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
    "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
    distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmich! ael said Police
    say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."

    Semifinalist #4
    A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
    seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the
    rattlesnake as a ball. The friend no doubt a future Darwin Awards
    candidate - was hospitalized.

    Semifinalist #5
    Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
    noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the
    building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights,
    power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from
    the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found
    they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none
    of the lights worked.

    Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
    technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an! object that
    resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
    object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
    three miles away.

    Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
    lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
    suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by
    his peers.

    The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded
    into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve.
    The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car.
    The type car was unidentifiable at the scene.

    The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It
    seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted
    Take Off) actually a solid fuel rocket that is used to give heavy!
    military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short

    He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
    straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car,
    jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts, as
    best as could be determined, are that the operator of the 1967 Impala
    hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the
    crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted
    asphalt at that location.

    The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
    within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
    350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
    The driver, and soon to be pilot, most ikely would have experienced
    G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full!
    afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of
    the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for
    about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes and
    completely melted them - blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber
    marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4
    miles and impacting the face of the cliff at a height of 125 feet
    leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

    Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small
    fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and
    fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed
    to be a portion of the steering wheel.

    Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached Mach I,
    attaining a ground speed of approximately 420 mph
    I have a question; are you the bug, or the windshield?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2002

    i've always loved the darwin awards. the one i always remember is this guy who drives off the road down a hill or something like that with 5 other people in the car. he jumps out of the car, leaving everyone else in it, and hits his head on a rock and is killed. the person in the passenger seat of the car pulls the emergency break and stops the car.

    the sad thing is that they are true.
    \"One wonders what would happen in a society in which there were no rules to break. Doubtless everyone would quickly die of boredom.\" -Susan Hawatch

  3. #3
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Semifinalist #1 would have gotten my vote...what an idiot.

    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    My all time favorite is still the JATO pack and the car, some how I think Road Runner cartoons on the winner beep beep LOL. The site founder was deeply shaken by 9/11, but it is always a good site to read and well roll on the floor at times laughing.
    I believe that one of the characteristics of the human race - possibly the one that is primarily responsible for its course of evolution - is that it has grown by creatively responding to failure.- Glen Seaborg

  5. #5
    Old-Fogey:Addicts founder Terr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Seattle, WA
    Uhm. The drunk-milk and the mooner-pilots are new to me, but the rest must date back several years.
    [HvC]Terr: L33T Technical Proficiency

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    killing both him and his sister

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    I might get negged for this, but idiots these people might have been, but that's hardly any reason to laugh about misfortune. Would any of you be laughing if any of you knew or were related to any of these people?
    \"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.\" -- Dom Helder Camara

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2001

    Urban Ledgends.....

    The story about the guy in the car has been around like 7 years.... I doubt if most of these stories are really true..


    Still funny though!!
    You can\'t squeeze cheese from a goat before it\'s hatched.............

  9. #9
    Gray Haired Old Fart aeallison's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Buffalo, Missouri USA

    Re: Urban Ledgends.....

    Originally posted here by Old Man
    The story about the guy in the car has been around like 7 years.... I doubt if most of these stories are really true..


    Still funny though!!
    Man ya got a way with poppin a persons bubble, and I thought this was a real good one...what kinda person publishes hoaxes on jokes, I mean nothing personal about the posters here, but the guy who is paying for the webspace to publish what Old Man found.
    My cousin, who sent this to me is a big city lawyer and he did not think it was a hoax either...
    I wonder if the rest of these stories are true?

    OK...Skeptics!! I challenge you all to disprove the rest of "finalists" in this post!!!

    Would any of you be laughing if any of you knew or were related to any of these people?
    PS... If I were related to one of these people, then one of these people would not be here. I try to not associate myself with these types of people. And on another note...this is posted in the humor section, I realize that us computer types "nerds" if you will, are very anylitical by nature, but why spoil the humor side of it for everyone by picking the joke apart with one word opinions and insults to the ones who thought it funny? I would really like to know...</rant></edit>
    I have a question; are you the bug, or the windshield?

  10. #10
    Old ancient one vanman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Freestate,South Africa
    Good point,aeallison.They should see it for what it is,good humour.Just enjoy it.
    No disrespect to anyone

    Practise what you preach.

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