August 20th, 2002, 08:58 AM
Why the chicken crossed the road....
Kudos to my cousin Jarrod for sending me this one. Again, as with most things in email, the author is unknown (at least to me) but it is still a pretty funny read....
"Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road"
Answers from Several Perspectives:
Because the chicken was gay! Isnít it obvious? Canít
you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side." Thatís
what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that
chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. Itís as plain and simple as that.
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, Iíve not been told!
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
In my day, we didnít ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
It was a historical inevitability.
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the presidentís ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
I missed one?
THE NEW YORK TIMES
To read whatís fit to print.
ATLANTA JOURNAL & CONSTITUTION
Seeking a spot on the Falcons line.
THE COMMERCIAL APPEAL, MEMPHIS
Going to Graceland.
LOS ANGELES TIMES
Looking for Bill Gates.
THE BIRMINGHAM NEWS
All chickens come here eventually.
THE BOSTON GLOBE
One more chicken at the tea party.
THE WASHINGTON POST
It isn't paranoia when you KNOW they're out to get you...
August 20th, 2002, 09:05 AM
There is no chicken. Stay where you are.
Hic ego barbarus, sum quillo non intelligor illis.
Because they do not understand me, I am a barbarian.
August 26th, 2002, 05:08 PM