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Thread: How to get out of a speeding ticket

  1. #1
    Old Fart
    Join Date
    Jun 2002

    How to get out of a speeding ticket

    A gentleman is pulled over by the highway patrol for speeding. The officer approaches the car and asks the man for his license.
    "I don't have a license officer, they took mine after I got my 5th DUI" The man replies.
    "YOu don't have a licence because of DUI's?" The officer is incredulous. "Let me see the registration and proof of insurance on your vehicle."
    "Sure" says the man "I think I saw it in the glove compartment when I tossed my gun in there."
    " Well, after I stole the car from that lady, I didn't need the gun anymore. So I put it in the glove compartment" comes the answer.
    "You...you STOLE this car? What happened to the woman you stole it from?" asks the cop, by now keeping his hand on his gun.
    "After I shot her, I just tossed her in the trunk" The man casually replies.
    At this point the officer draws his weapon, advises the man to place his hands on his head and remain still. He then radios for back-up, which promptly arrives in the form of a captain and a SWAT team. The officer advises the captain of what has transpired, and the captain immediatly takes over the situation.
    Approaching the driver, the captain says "sir, I have been informed that you lost your drivers license because you have 5 DUI charges."
    The man responds "No sir, I have my license right here."
    The man produces his wallet,and hands it to the captain, who upon checking via radio, finds it to be valid with no proir violations.
    "I was also told the car was stolen. Do you have the registration for this vehicle?" the captain asks.
    "Yes, it's here in the glove compartment." says the man, reaching across the car.
    "NO SUDDEN MOVES!" barks the captain. "WE know that you have a gun in there."
    "SIR" says the man as he reaches for the glove box, "I don't even own a gun, but here is my registration." He opens the glovebox, and pulls out the registration, leaving the glovebox empty.
    The captain sees that the man is indeed the owner of the car, and asks for permission to search the trunk. The man complies, giving the captain the keys. Upon opening the trunk, he finds only a spare tire and a jack, and the trunk is a s clean as a pin.
    "I just don't understand it." says the captain. "That officer told me that you had lost your license for 5 DUIs, that you had a gun in the glovebox of a stolen car, and the body of the woman you stole it from was in the trunk."
    The man takes a long look at the captain and says "I'll bet that lying SOB tried to tell you I was speeding too."
    And that, my friends, is how you get out of a speeding ticket.

    *Special thanks to Tek Weasel and his earlier thread for dredging that one out of the depths of my memory.
    It isn't paranoia when you KNOW they're out to get you...

  2. #2
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    ROFL...I've heard this one before, but I couldn't remember the punch line. Thanks for a great joke. Now, if I could just work the nerve up to use it next time I get pulled over..but with my luck, he would just shoot me, and then find out I was lying...lol.

    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  3. #3
    That is some funny stuff right there Allen. However, I don't think in my state you'd make it past the first police officer. I think he'd have you in his car in a matter of seconds. Maybe you'll even get away with a courtisy beating.

    If you are interested in what thread he is speaking of you can find my thread on Phazer II
    Rocky Mountain Radar introduces a device designed to make your car electronically unreadable—if you get a ticket while using the product, the manufacturer will pay your fine!*

  4. #4
    Senior Member The Old Man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Well, if they don't buy that one, how about this one:
    Officer: Do you know it's really stupid to try to outrun a Trooper?
    Driver: Yessir, but i had a good reason.
    Officer: Oh, yeah? Well, let's hear it!
    Driver: Last week a State Trooper stole my wife, and i thought it might be you, trying to bring her back....................

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    ROFLMAO! That's actually the first time I heard that one. Thanks for the laugh allen!

    True story on a side note - also to get out of a speeding ticket:

    After getting pulled over for speeding, a friend of mine started screwing/frowning up his face and dancing and squirming around in the seat as the officer approached. When the officer asked him what was wrong, he told him that he had to sh1t and that he'd been holding it for the last 2miles or so to get to his bathroom. The officer promptly let him go with a slight snicker, and a caution, "take it easy fella."
    Opinions are like holes - everybody\'s got\'em.


  6. #6
    Old-Fogey:Addicts founder Terr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Seattle, WA
    Only one problem, a hypothetical cop car camera would show the trooper pull out his gun BEFORE he radioed for backup. (And might have a decent audio pickup too)
    [HvC]Terr: L33T Technical Proficiency

  7. #7
    Old Fart
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Yet another true story on the side...this one came from Readers Digest about 12 years ago. A trooper had written in that he was sitting in what we would refer to as a "speed trap" beside an interstate (in Fla, if I remember correctly) when a vehicle went by in excess of 90 MPH. After pulling the vehicle off the road, he approached the driver, a young male, smiled and said "Son, I've been waiting for you all day." According to the trooper, the young man didn't miss a beat, turning to him and replying "Well I got here as fast as I could." The trooper says that after having one of the best laughs he had enjoyed in a long time, he wrote a warning citatiion and let the fella go.
    It isn't paranoia when you KNOW they're out to get you...

  8. #8
    Computer Forensics
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    allen, thats funnier than hell.

    I should try that one........
    Antionline in a nutshell
    \"You\'re putting the fate of the world in the hands of a bunch of idiots I wouldn\'t trust with a potato gun\"

    Trust your Technolust

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