Rules of Manhood
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Thread: Rules of Manhood

  1. #1

    Talking Rules of Manhood

    Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

    Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call, "Bull****!". (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)

    If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever.

    The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

    *****ing about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

    No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.

    Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

    Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.

    Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

    If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem- you didn't see nothin'.

    The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

    A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

    When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

    It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super model...and it's free.

    A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    If a buddy is out numbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good @ss-whooping", then you may sit back and enjoy.

    Friends don't let friends wear Speedo's. Ever. Issue closed.

    Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

    Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

    Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing, either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

    Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a, "F--- OFF!", you are absolved of all responsibility.

    The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
    Hi! I am new to these forums.......

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    bwahaha... hahaha... /chuckle...


    thanks for the Monday morning pick me up.




    El Diablo

  3. #3
    Flash M0nkey
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    If a buddy is out numbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good @ss-whooping", then you may sit back and enjoy.
    so so true

    Friends don't let friends wear Speedo's. Ever. Issue closed.
    heh if they're dumb enough to wear them you might as well have a laugh

    Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
    I would do alot worse than diss my own buddys if my g/f started with-holding sex and i would expect them to do the same...a buddy will know u never meant it the g/f won't

    The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
    Thats just common sense

    v_Ln

  4. #4
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    haahhahaahhahahahaha, that was beautiful, thats some funny stuff man. id give you points but...iv never been given any so i dont think itll let me.

  5. #5
    T3h 1337 N00b kryptonic's Avatar
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    Originally posted here by gore
    id give you points but...iv never been given any so i dont think itll let me.
    HUH?

  6. #6
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
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    Read the date this was posted. It was my first day.

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