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Thread: Microsoft-speak 101

  1. #1
    Senior Member problemchild's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002

    Microsoft-speak 101

    I was reading an interview with Steve Ballmer, and I just couldn't help doing a little translation from Microsoft-speak to English in my head as I was reading.


    On .Net:
    The .Net My Services concept is fine. The business side is still being worked on.
    Translation: Houston, we have a problem.
    Originally, internally we were saying .Net is kind of like XML, and we were using it wherever we were talking about XML products, instead of being more precise.
    Translation: Even we don't know what the fsck it is.

    On the new licensing:
    Some customers are very happy because they are paying less than they used to, some customers are not very happy because they are going to pay more than they used to. Probably, the most customers are not in either one of those categories. They didn't like it at first; we worked with them, we worked on their special needs. But I think they are OK with where they are.
    Translation: They're going to have to learn to live with it because we have them by the gonads.

    On Linux:
    It is a clone of an operating system. There has yet to be any innovation, new features or new capabilities out of the Linux platform. First they cloned Unix, and there are people working on cloning some of our stuff. But it's just a cloning operating system.
    Translation: When Microsoft copies, it's OK because we call it innovation. When Linux copies, it's lame because they don't have a billion dollar PR campaign to transform it into "innovation."

    Part of this value proposition is partly about Linux; if you have Windows 95 or Windows 98, we want to get you onto Office XP and Windows XP. Some people wait to the first service pack, and now we have that. In times where budgets are tight, I think one of the best value propositions that we can put on the table is the desktop migration from Windows 95 and 98 to Windows and Office XP.
    Translation: If you don't have any money, spend some money with us. No, wait.......

    People highlight, 'OK guys--where's the source code?' I think most people don't want their employees using the source code everyday. Really, they don't.
    Translation: You don't need to see his identification. These aren't the droids you're looking for.
    Move along.
    Do what you want with the girl, but leave me alone!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    sooooooooo extremeley well put man! ! rofl, i'm passing this around 2 my friends rite now 2 let them see it lol thats hilarious and genius! props!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    The greatest...and saddest thing about it is...you hit the nail on the head on each one of them.
    The radiance of ignorace in a world of nothingness and all of this time your pestilence has created nothing but uselessness

  4. #4
    Leftie Linux Lover the_JinX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Beverwijk Netherlands

    Re: Microsoft-speak 101

    Originally posted here by problemchild
    You don't need to see his identification. These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along.
    The Jedi mind trick

    very good.
    ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
    When in Russia, pet a PETSCII.

    Get your ass over to SLAYRadio the best station for C64 Remixes !

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    very very good! Thanks for a good morning laugh problemchild!

  6. #6

    Talking HEH!

    HA HA HA Thank you I told my buddy about it and he won't quit laughing nice post
    \" Cry \'HAVOC\' and let slip the dogs of war\"

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