November 24th, 2002, 10:28 PM
How to give a cat a pill
15 Easy Steps for Giving Your Cat a Pill.
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as
if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close
mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in right arm
(to avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm,
holding rear paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill,put down
ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,force mouth
open with pencil and blow through straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans,
gargle some Listerine to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open
with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back
on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus
shot. Apply antibiotic to cheek to disinfect. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new
one from bedroom.
12) Call fire department to retrieve the cat from tree across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to
wash pill down.
14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor
stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call
furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SPCA to collect the cat and call local pet shop to
see if they have any guinea pigs.
How to Give a Dog a Pill:
1) Wrap it in bacon and drop it on the floor.
I read somewhere you shouldn\'t always believe what you read so what the Hell am I supposed to do?
November 24th, 2002, 11:04 PM
LOL great, but what about giving say an monkey a pill?...only joking
November 25th, 2002, 01:32 AM
lmao, tat had me giggling like a girl for quite a bit, havn't ever seen that one before, we need a few more like this one i think
November 25th, 2002, 05:57 AM
Rolling On The Floor Laughing!
Thank you. I have not laughed this much in several months. I just gave one of my cats a heartworm pill yesterday. There is a large, deep cut on my right arm, a bite mark clear through my left cheek, and a brand-spanking new bloodstain on the carpet. The dog's pill was gone in under a second, and so was the bacon it was wrapped in, while the cat managed to pick the pill out of the bacon.
This one's going on the fridge.
Government is like fire - a handy servant, but a dangerous master - George Washington
Government is not reason, it is not eloquence - it is force. - George Washington.
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