November 25th, 2002, 08:56 PM
Dark In Here
DARK IN HERE
A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in
the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little
boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the
lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove,
let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge
your friends like that...that is way more than those two things
cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit
in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again".
(My comment: HAHAHA! That was a funny one I heard today, figured maybe you guys might want some Monday Humor to help get you through the day)
November 25th, 2002, 09:01 PM
Oh **** that was hilarious! /me rolling on the ground trying to keep my intestines from exploding from laughing so hard! Thanks, I needed a joke like that to recover from (blah) Spanish 2.
I read somewhere you shouldn\'t always believe what you read so what the Hell am I supposed to do?
November 25th, 2002, 09:11 PM
Holy sh1t!! I laughed my butt off. It's your fault, Spyder, that I walk funny now.
/* You are not expected to understand this. */
November 25th, 2002, 09:20 PM
Looks like you are on a roll, keep the jokes up. We need them, that was really funny.
November 25th, 2002, 10:16 PM
::: commits joke to memory for work tomorrow :::
Now that was funny.
November 26th, 2002, 07:05 AM
Spyder, all of a sudden my day seems to be a whole lot brighter.Thanks.Just goes to show we are all human(no offense).
Practise what you preach.
November 26th, 2002, 11:08 AM
lol, the poor priest, huh
November 26th, 2002, 11:35 AM
The New Priest
Here's another one, though its almost 24 late
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of
vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So, the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the
sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was
stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and
eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for
the grub, yeah G-d"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a
peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Mind intentionally left blank...
November 26th, 2002, 12:40 PM
Here,s another one
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old
son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the
train stop and her son saying:
"All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the
last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the
train, cause we're going down the tracks".
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for
TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you
to use nice language." Two hours later,the son came out of the bedroom and
resumed playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say: "All passengers who
are disembarking the train, please remember to take
all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us
today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue: "For those of you just boarding, we ask
you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no
smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey
with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added: "For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen
The Power Of Your Imagination:
November 26th, 2002, 10:31 PM
Those are great.We need some humor on mondays.