Got any good jokes?
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Thread: Got any good jokes?

  1. #1
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    Talking Got any good jokes?

    Anyone out there got any good jokes? And I mean good jokes, not "What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rino? An Hel-ef-I-Know." Nothing like that.

    Heres a starter, you may find it disturbing or hilarious.

    A man gets a call from the hospital that his wife has been in a terrible accident. The man races to the hospital and bounds inside. As soon as he finds the doctor he attacks him with questions. "Is she alright?" "Will she be OK?" "What happened?" the man says all at once.
    The doctor stands there for a moment and finally says,"I'm sorry sir, but your wife has been in a terrible car accident. She has become paralised from the waiste down. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, clothe her."
    The man breaks down and begins to exclaim," This is HORRIBLE."
    "Just kidding," the doctor says, "Your wife is dead."


    Now your turn.
    [gloworange]Imagination is the tool from which art, insperation, and creativity come forth.[/gloworange]

  2. #2
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    ummm, did you ceck the "tech humor" boards? theres a million awesome jokes there, not to be mean or anything, i just dont have any right now so im recommending you go there and look around.

  3. #3
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    and there's always a lil' contribution from my side, in such forums......


    After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time, and felt that this was their last straw.

    When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?"

    Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

    After 5 - 10 - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

    Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

    The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
    Mind intentionally left blank...

  4. #4
    Old ancient one vanman's Avatar
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    The three little sisters are sitting on the sidewalk talking, one 13, one 8 and the other one about3 years old.So the eldest one asks what does your instinct tell you about how many children you are going to have?She looks down and says my instinct tells me about 2.The second one looks down and replies about 3.So now this whole thing makes the little one think and she looks down and replies"mine also smells but it still does not tell me anything.
    Practise what you preach.

  5. #5
    Old ancient one vanman's Avatar
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    Here is some of my favourites to ask people:

    1.What did the gnat say which was sitting at the elephants behind?..gone with the wind.
    2.Why is the mouse standing behind the tree?..He wants to trip the elephant..why is the elephant lying on the ground?He was tripped by the mouse.3.Why are you not allowed to walk in the bush after 2pm?..The elephants are practising parashute jumps...Why is the crocodile so flat?..He walked in the bush after 2pm.
    Practise what you preach.

  6. #6
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    An eskimo pulls into a gas station with engine trouble on his snowmobile, the attendant walks up and takes a look under the hood. "hmmm..." he says and looks up at the eskimo "looks like you've blown a seal."
    The eskimo wipes his face and says nervously "er.. no, that's just snow on my mustache"

  7. #7
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    A blonde goes to the doctors with two burnt ears and the doctor says, what the bloody hell happened here. the blonde said, someone rang and i accidentally picked up the iron instead of the phone. the doctors replies back, so what happened to the other one (the ear) to which the blonde replies, they rang back.
    - Trying is the first step towards failure. the moral is never try.
    - It\'s like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.
    ----Homer J Simpson----

  8. #8
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    Smile

    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an
    after work cocktail with her girlfriends
    when an exceptionally tall, handsome,
    extremely sexy young man entered.
    He was so striking that the woman could not
    take her eyes away from him.

    The young man noticed her overly attentive
    stare & walked directly toward her.
    Before she could offer her apologies for
    being so rude for staring, the young man
    said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely
    anything, that you want me to do, no matter
    how kinky, for $100, on one condition."

    Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the
    condition was. The young man replied,
    "You have to tell me what you want
    me to do in just three words."

    The woman considered his proposition for a
    moment, withdrew from her purse & slowly
    counted out five $20 bills, which she gladly
    pressed into the young man's hand.
    She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly,
    meaningfully said, "Clean my house."

  9. #9
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    Here's anouther good but strange joke. Keep an open mind.


    A boy running in circles in the living room said, "Mommy, mommy, look what I can do!"
    "Shut up," screached the mother, "or I'll nail the other foot to the floor."
    [gloworange]Imagination is the tool from which art, insperation, and creativity come forth.[/gloworange]

  10. #10
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    I've got two (my favorite one):

    1.Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
    A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a porche.



    2.One day this blonde walked into a store and said
    "I`d like to buy that TV."
    The salesman said "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
    The blonde went home and dyed her hair red. She went back to
    the store and said "I`d like to buy that TV."
    "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The man replied again.
    She went and dyed her hair black, then returned to the store
    and said "I`d like to buy that TV."
    Again the man said "Sorry we don't sell to blondes."
    The blonde finally asks "How did you know I was a blonde?"
    The man said "Because that`s not a TV its a microwave."
    Not an image or image does not exist!
    Not an image or image does not exist!

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