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Thread: 12 days of christmas!

  1. #1
    It's a gas!
    Join Date
    Jul 2002

    12 days of christmas!

    14th December
    Dearest Darling John,
    I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a pear
    tree. What a delightful romantic gift. Thank you my darling for the lovely

    With deep affection,

    You're ever loving Agnes.

    15th December
    My Dearest Darling John,
    Today the postman brought your very sweet gift of two turtledoves. I am
    delighted, they are adorable.

    All my love,

    16th December
    Dearest Darling John,
    Oh howe xtravagant you really are. I must protest, I don't deserve such
    generosity, three French hens, I insist you are too kind.

    You're loving Agnes

    17th December
    Dear John
    What can I say? Four beautiful calling birds arrived with the Postman this
    morning. Your kindness really is too much.
    Love Agnes

    18th December
    My Dear John
    What a surprise, today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for
    every finger. You really are an impossible boy, but I love you. Frankly all
    the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.

    Love Agnes.

    19th December
    Dear John
    When I opened the door thism orning, there were actually six bloody Great
    geese laying eggs all over the front step. What on earth do you think I can
    do with them all? The neighbours are beginning to complain about the smell,
    and I can't sleep because of the noise! Please stop.

    Cordially yours, Agnes

    20th December
    What is it with you and these *****ing birds? Now I get seven swans a
    swanning about the place! Is it some sort of god damned joke? The house is
    full of bird sh*t, and the racket !!! I am becoming a nervous wreck. It is
    not funny anymore, stop sending these *****ing birds !!!


    21st December
    OK buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with
    eight maids a milking? It's not enough with all the birds, now I have eight
    cows shitting all over the house and mooing all night long.
    ***** OFF !!!!!!!

    22nd December
    Look d1ck head - what are you on ??? You're having a laugh. Now I have Nine
    pipers playing shite music constantly !!! And Christ do they play.... When
    they aren't playing their sodding pipes, they keep chasing the Maids through
    the cow sh*t. The cows keep on mooing and are treading all over the *****ing
    birds !!! The neighbours are threatening to have me evicted.

    23rd December
    You *****ing b*stard !!!! Now we have ten ladies dancing. How one arth anyone
    can call these whores "ladies" is beyond me, they're pulling the pipers all
    night long !!!!! The cows can't sleep and now have diarrhoea. Myl iving room
    is a sea of **** and the landlord has just declared the building unfit for
    human habitation.

    ***** OFF AND DIE JOHN !!!!!!!

    24th December
    Listen sh*t face - what with eleven lords leaping about the house, shagging
    me and the maids senseless, I shall probably never walk again. The pipers
    are now fighting the lords for all the crumpet and Resorting to committing
    sodomy with the cows, the birds are dead and rotting having been trampled
    during the orgy. I hope you're satisfied - you c**t.
    Your sworn enemy, Agnes.

    25th December
    You stinking lousy sh*t !!!! Twelve *****ing drummers, banging their *****ing
    drums all day long !!!! They have teamed up with the pipers, making one hell
    of a noise, both lots have been buggering the cows and Christ alone knows
    what happened to the milkmaids? They've probably drowned in the cow sh*t by
    now. The only way I have to saved myself from getting screwed to death is by
    hiding up in the *****ing pear tree which has been well fertilised by all
    this sh*t and has now grown through the roof !!!!!

    Big hairy b*llocks to you, Agnes.

    Hope yous all like and happy christmas!



  2. #2
    lol what a delight full christmas story =)
    Missing em ol BBS' days!
    Virtus - Splashgame.org

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    that was quite a fun read lol...
    goto http://www.derkin.co.uk

    YoU kNoW yOu ShOuLd

  4. #4
    AO übergeek phishphreek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002


    Thanks for that. I'm at home sick today and needed a good laugh.

    Appreciate it!
    Quitmzilla is a firefox extension that gives you stats on how long you have quit smoking, how much money you\'ve saved, how much you haven\'t smoked and recent milestones. Very helpful for people who quit smoking and used to smoke at their computers... Helps out with the urges.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    sorry you don't feel well phish! just be grateful your not byrdphreek80!
    Bukhari:V3B48N826 “The Prophet said, ‘Isn’t the witness of a woman equal to half of that of a man?’ The women said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘This is because of the deficiency of a woman’s mind.’”

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