December 20th, 2002, 11:44 AM
12 days of christmas!
Dearest Darling John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a pear
tree. What a delightful romantic gift. Thank you my darling for the lovely
With deep affection,
You're ever loving Agnes.
My Dearest Darling John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift of two turtledoves. I am
delighted, they are adorable.
All my love,
Dearest Darling John,
Oh howe xtravagant you really are. I must protest, I don't deserve such
generosity, three French hens, I insist you are too kind.
You're loving Agnes
What can I say? Four beautiful calling birds arrived with the Postman this
morning. Your kindness really is too much.
My Dear John
What a surprise, today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for
every finger. You really are an impossible boy, but I love you. Frankly all
the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.
When I opened the door thism orning, there were actually six bloody Great
geese laying eggs all over the front step. What on earth do you think I can
do with them all? The neighbours are beginning to complain about the smell,
and I can't sleep because of the noise! Please stop.
Cordially yours, Agnes
What is it with you and these *****ing birds? Now I get seven swans a
swanning about the place! Is it some sort of god damned joke? The house is
full of bird sh*t, and the racket !!! I am becoming a nervous wreck. It is
not funny anymore, stop sending these *****ing birds !!!
OK buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with
eight maids a milking? It's not enough with all the birds, now I have eight
cows shitting all over the house and mooing all night long.
***** OFF !!!!!!!
Look d1ck head - what are you on ??? You're having a laugh. Now I have Nine
pipers playing shite music constantly !!! And Christ do they play.... When
they aren't playing their sodding pipes, they keep chasing the Maids through
the cow sh*t. The cows keep on mooing and are treading all over the *****ing
birds !!! The neighbours are threatening to have me evicted.
You *****ing b*stard !!!! Now we have ten ladies dancing. How one arth anyone
can call these whores "ladies" is beyond me, they're pulling the pipers all
night long !!!!! The cows can't sleep and now have diarrhoea. Myl iving room
is a sea of **** and the landlord has just declared the building unfit for
***** OFF AND DIE JOHN !!!!!!!
Listen sh*t face - what with eleven lords leaping about the house, shagging
me and the maids senseless, I shall probably never walk again. The pipers
are now fighting the lords for all the crumpet and Resorting to committing
sodomy with the cows, the birds are dead and rotting having been trampled
during the orgy. I hope you're satisfied - you c**t.
Your sworn enemy, Agnes.
You stinking lousy sh*t !!!! Twelve *****ing drummers, banging their *****ing
drums all day long !!!! They have teamed up with the pipers, making one hell
of a noise, both lots have been buggering the cows and Christ alone knows
what happened to the milkmaids? They've probably drowned in the cow sh*t by
now. The only way I have to saved myself from getting screwed to death is by
hiding up in the *****ing pear tree which has been well fertilised by all
this sh*t and has now grown through the roof !!!!!
Big hairy b*llocks to you, Agnes.
Hope yous all like and happy christmas!
December 20th, 2002, 12:58 PM
lol what a delight full christmas story =)
December 20th, 2002, 04:23 PM
that was quite a fun read lol...
YoU kNoW yOu ShOuLd
December 20th, 2002, 04:34 PM
Thanks for that. I'm at home sick today and needed a good laugh.
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December 20th, 2002, 08:54 PM
sorry you don't feel well phish! just be grateful your not byrdphreek80!
Bukhari:V3B48N826 “The Prophet said, ‘Isn’t the witness of a woman equal to half of that of a man?’ The women said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘This is because of the deficiency of a woman’s mind.’”