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Thread: Christmas Party Memo to All Employees...

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Helsinki, Finland

    Talking Christmas Party Memo to All Employees...

    [glowpurple]Merry Christmas AntiOnline![/glowpurple]

    December 1st

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
    will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit
    Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small
    band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
    And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
    Claus to light the Christmas tree!

    Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
    time; however, no gift should be over $10.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    Patty Lewis
    Human Resources Director


    December 2nd

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
    Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important
    holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though
    unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're
    calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies
    to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.

    There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols

    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    Patty Lewis
    Human Resources Director


    December 3rd

    Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of
    Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm
    happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if
    I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't
    be anonymous anymore.

    In addition, forget about the gifts exchange--no gifts
    will be allowed since the union members feel that $10
    is too much money.

    Patty Lewis
    Human Researchers Director


    December 7th

    I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
    farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest
    to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
    Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have
    their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for
    the gay men's table. Happy now?

    Patty Lewis
    Human Racehorses Director


    December 9th

    People, people--nothing sinister was intended by wanting
    our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa"
    does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to
    our own "little man in a red suit."

    Patty Lewis
    Human Ratraces


    December 10th

    I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
    party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not,
    you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill
    of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only,
    including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes
    have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
    I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now...Ha!

    I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and
    die, you hear me?

    The Bitch from Hell


    December 14th

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a
    speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll
    continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium.
    In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
    Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the
    23rd off with full pay.

    Happy Holidays!
    Terri Bishop
    Acting Human Resources Director
    Q: Why do computer scientists confuse Christmas and Halloween?
    A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

  2. #2
    Flash M0nkey
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    heh is my work do tonight - but none of that fuss
    prolly just gonna go get drunk and pass out


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