'Twas the Night Before Christmas, 2002
The year in review, in verse.
By Tim Mullen Dec 22, 2002
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the House,
Not a congressman was stirring-- and the Senate was soused.
Freedom and Privacy-- the things we hold dear,
Have been trampled by the 107th this year.
Berman and Hollings lay snug in their beds,
With visions of Rosen and Valenti in their heads.
Their pockets were lined very carefully with cash
From the RIAA/MPAA lobbyists' stash.
Ellison arose and made such a clatter,
9i was "Unbreakable"-- the truth didn't matter.
But Litchfield came forth and tweaked Larry's nose,
By discovering a zillion or so buffer overflows.
Elcomsoft and Sklyarov are now far and away,
An important victory against the DMCA.
But today it is still with disaster we flirt,
If we try to print DeCSS on a shirt.
And Bill Gates this year was lively and quick
To become Trustworthy, and to make it stick.
Bound and determined, his coursers they came,
He set them to task, and called them by name:
"On Balmer! On Mundie! And Valentine too!
But who is this Charney? And what does he do?"
To be fair, it is not for us to see,
But he's chattin' them up back in D.C.
Laying inroads and clearing the way,
For dealing with the FTC and DOJ.
And he's got a tough job, because you could fill a stadium
With those that oppose the TCPA and Palladium
Now the FBI's "unshackled," what do you think about that?
They can tap your phone at the drop of a hat.
Thanks to Ashcroft, Mueller, and more
We've got Magic Lantern, and Carnivore.
If e-mailing with privacy is your wish,
You'd better get PGP, or maybe Blowfish.
But keep your key handy, for the FBI may insist,
That you're hiding something, and thus, a terrorist.
Now don't get too worried, and don't look so sad,
Our government would never let it get too bad!
Our Homeland Security should be a walk in the park,
After all, we're under the protection of Dick Clarke.
But none of this is going to get me down,
I'll just pack my bags and head out of town.
And you'll hear me exclaim as I drive out of site,
"Maybe next year we'll get it all right!"