February 2nd, 2003, 02:00 AM
My Moral Dilemma.
I feel like a made a mistake. I know this is not security related, I'm sorry. My girlfriend I noticed will get incredibly depressed for what seems like no reason at all. I was next to her one day and just saw her fall into being depressed. I talked to her about it and she said it all started when a guy last summer didn't know what "no" meant. I was talking to her sister and asked about it, and if she was aware the she got depressed easy. Well it turned out noone really knew about it but me. They talked to her and I think she might get counseling soon. I just feel like I betrayed her trust even though this might help her. Do you think that it is justifed, me telling her family and all?
February 2nd, 2003, 02:25 AM
Your friend was traumatized. Be supportive and let her tell you when she is ready. She has to be ready or help won't work and her trust in you will be shattered.
February 2nd, 2003, 02:32 AM
Betrayal of trust varies depending on the relationship the two of you share, and how you think. Personally, if someone talked to my family about it. it would depend. if it was my sister, I would be ok with it.. I'd be upset but i'd accept it.. If it was my parents, I doubt i'd ever forgive the person. But that's just me... A lot of people are upset and depressed about things.. and like mayhem said.. you have to be ready for help. or it'll do no good.. I've been told to see a shrink/councellor many times. and I refuse... I also get mad at the people who tell me to do it.. I'll see someone if and when I wanna see someone... That's the best I can say is to tell you my feelings and experience.. Each person is different and will react differently.. just make sure she knows you worry about her and care about her.. Most of the time when I get depressed I'll forget that people actually care, and she could very well be the same way.. so just reassure here that you're there for her. If she's willing to be helped.. take her to her appt. go with her, not into the room (unless she asks) but wait for her in the waiting room.. show her that her well being is a priority for you.
As for your initial question.. were you justified... In going to her sister.. I'd say yes.. siblings usually share a bond.. so as long as her and her sister are close, or get a long. then that's fine. but if it ended up including her parents... your worrying is justified, but inclding them might not be.
February 2nd, 2003, 04:13 AM
She told me she had told her mom but she did not listen to her. She said they put it off and didn't want to believe it. I thought her sister knew I really had no idea. I just care so much fir her and I hate to see her sad. Her parents knew what the guy had done.
February 2nd, 2003, 08:27 AM
You just need to be there for her. Depression is just something that happens to everyone, though some people seem more sensitive to it than others. I know I've been severely depressed just this week. The one thing that got me out of it, and made me see the good and the happiness in life were my friends.
By telling you what her problem was, your girlfriend let you know that she needed and wanted your help. She could have simply said nothing, but she didn't. She told you what was bothering her, trusting that you could help her and support her.
When you told someone else about it, you did it to try to help, and, admittedly, you didn't know that you were letting out a secret to someone who didn't know. Your girlfriend will forgive you, but it might take a little while. First, she's going to have to get over depression. After that's over (and you help her through it), she'll be able to see you meant well when you did what you did.
As far as seeing a counselor or psychiatrist about her problems...that's not something I'm qualified to determine, though I do know for sure that you can be much more helpful to her as a friend than any counselor can.
Just do what you know is right. You care for her; now all you have to do is show that to her.
February 2nd, 2003, 02:45 PM
HTRegz took the words out of my mouth. I would like to add that TIME and real LOVE will also help her alot. Whatever kind of help you decide to give her, dont pressure her with it. This is serious, and serious things take time. She will feel alot better if she sees that you and others really care for her. Also respect what she actually wants and doesnt. Respect is the most important way of showing LOVE. Respect also means not doing anything behind her back that she does not want at all (unless there is reason to believe that she really does not know what is best for her). Give it some more time when it comes to counseling. That pressure might just make things worse. The best help is to be there for her at all times. If you see that it doesnt help at all, then consider the fact of counseling and/or telling he parents. Remember, pressure is the worst thing you can do at this point.
I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck.
(one more thing, dont talk about this to people that know you or her. This is strictly her matter!)
Ubuntu-: Means in African : "Im too dumb to use Slackware"
February 2nd, 2003, 03:55 PM
She said she is not mad at me. We talked a little bit and she said her parents aren't going to make her goto counseling. Throughout the past few days she has seemed a whole lot happier, it seems a genuine happy not just a put-on. She told me that just being with me helps out a whole lot. Thank you guys for your support on this matter, I really appreciate it.