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Thread: The Bastard System Admin. From Michigan's Boss

  1. #1
    BS, EnCE, ACE, Cellebrite 11001001's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Just West of Beantown, though nobody from Beantown actually calls it "Beantown."

    The Bastard System Admin. From Michigan's Boss

    With Gore's blessing, I have gone forth to create:


    Written by 11001001, inspired by Gore


    6:00 AM: I turn on my home computer and connect to my office citrix account. I start
    downloading "The Matrix-Reloaded" so I can watch it in my office. The download reaches
    about 12% completion when an error pops up about there not being enough disk space or some techno bullshit. This pisses me off, so I log out of Citrix and decide to go in early to try and download it befor that Bastard SysAdmin gets in. I leave my house and head directly to work.

    6:30 AM: I head into the server room and look around. There are more computers, wires, and flashing lights in here than I know what to do with. I pick up the phone and call my
    brother-in-law. He's older than me. He'll know what to do. He tells me to look for a big
    computer with the word "file" somewhere in the label. I tell him I found one called "File
    Server." He tells me to go to it, and when I want to delete things, type in rm and the name
    of the file I want to delete. I asked him what to do if I want to delete a lot of files.
    he said to put an asterisk in place of the name or extention. I say "Thanks" and hang up.
    It sounded like he was still talking, but I was in rush. I type in rm *.* to make sure
    there's going to be enough room for "The Matrix" and some question came up. Whatever. hey don't pay me to do computers. That's why we have Gore. I hit "y" like three times.

    6:50 AM: I awake to find myself on the floor of the server room. What happened to me? I
    remember typing that "rm" thing... 72,581,438 files deleted... Oh yeah. ****! I must have
    fainted. Must...call...Gore...

    7:30 AM: Gore seems pissed. My day has just been shot to hell. What the **** did I do? I
    begin to think about all the possible ways Gore is going to repay me for this. He is such a
    Bastard. ****. Now I'm crying. I can't beleive I let this guy get to me like this. ****
    it. I'll blame the tears on my allergies. I should go meet him in the parking lot to try
    and apologize before he takes out all his wrath on me.

    7:55 AM: That rat bastard is sitting in his car smoking. Whe he finally gets out, I go
    right over to him to begin to apologize. He tells me that he'll fix it. "Oh, ok." I

    8:00 AM: I wait a moment and follow him inside. I give him a minute and then ask him what
    the situation is. He told me I deleted everything, and in the process killed the romulator
    chip. Now there's no way he can get anything back. I fight to keep my composure. I've
    already fainted once today, I can't let him see me do it another time. He then tells me
    that everyone has lost everything. Period. ****. I want to die. What the hell's a Romulator Chip? It sounds like some kind of Star Trek thing.

    8:30 AM: I head back to my office and upour a healthy dose of Bailey's into my morning
    coffee. I want to make sure I'm good and drunk before I go tell the big boss what I did.
    It's going to be a long day.

    9:30 AM: boi did i get reeemd. lukilee im alitl drunk. th bossss sez thet i did a dum
    thuing. he sas thst we pay gud mpney fir a stsem admon, snd i shod justy lert him doo hiss
    job. that sonofabitch. gore is a bastard. ill get im oneday. i needc spome advilll.

    11:50 AM: I just finish sobering up, and I get an email from some ******* employee who
    clearly wants to leave the company. He goes on to tell me all about how he's been sleeping
    with my wife and daughter for nine months. That *******. I get up from my desk so steaming
    mad that I fall over my chair. Now I'm really mad. I walk right over the the coward's
    office and calmly tell him to gather his things, he no longer works for the company. He
    tries to pretend that he has no idea what I'm talking about. I lift him from his chair and
    force him from the office. When we reach the top of the stairs, I "help him down." We get
    outside, and I proceed to give him the worst kickass I have ever given. Then I tell him
    again that he's fired. Son of Bitch. Sleep with my wife and daughter. I don't even have a

    12:15 PM: I get back to my office and see that I have a new email.
    It's from Gore.
    He tells me that he enjoyed watching my display of unrestrained male aggression, and that he has a video of it if I ever want to see it from another angle. This bastard has me coming
    and going. I send him reply. "What is it going to cost?"

    12:20 PM: A T3. At his house. I hate him more than I hate anything. There's nothing I
    can do about him. I can't fire him. I can't make him angry. All I can do is what he wants
    me to do. I feel like a pawn. I reply: "I contacted the phone company. They'll be there
    between 9 and 5 on thursday to install your T3. Take the day off. Paid vacation.

    1:00 PM: I go to see my System Admin. "I hope you like your new connection, you're

    "I know, but I'm worth it." he says.

    "You're not worth the powder to blow you to hell." I think.

    "Have you decided on a helper yet?" I ask.

    He tells me the person he has in mind is called "Aeallison." Great. Another one without a
    real name. I say, "Let me know..." and I leave his office.

    I pray to God the new guy is nothing like Gore.
    That's Officer 11001001 to you...
    Now you see me | Now you don't
    "Relax, Bender; It was just a dream. There's no such thing as two." ~ Fry
    sometimes my computer goes down on me

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Good stuff 11001001!, everything fit in smootly. I can't wait for gore's follow up.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    lmao, verry funny 1001001

  4. #4
    That rocked! :-)
    Really liked, "Sleep with my wife and daughter. I don't even have a daughter."
    Must be a PHB (check with www.Dilbert.com if PHB makes no sence)

  5. #5
    Doc d00dz Attackin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    I have to say this is very Funny, I can't wait for the next one.... By you, aeallison or Gore ..... Going to "Pee" in pants so funny.... HaHahaHaHa Cya (looks like you beat me in humor NoNoNoNo I will be back).
    First you listen, then you do, finally you teach.
    Duck Hunting Chat

  6. #6
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    lol, oh man, i feel special, people het inspired by me!!!! woot, lol good story man, ill be sure to make your life hell i the next episode teehee. lol.

  7. #7
    Gray Haired Old Fart aeallison's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Buffalo, Missouri USA
    This topic is really getting to be a hit, pretty good 11001001. Now peeps don't go giving gore a case of the big-heads yet. We are just going to have to wait for his next installment.

    He tells me the person he has in mind is called "Aeallison." Great. Another one without a
    real name. I say, "Let me know..." and I leave his office.
    Hmmm, so now my name ain't real, I suppose we will just have to wait for gore to finish part 7 so that 11001001 (real name??), and myself, can submit our part two's. I guess you know that I am out to discredit that Bastard System Admin from Michigan he has electrocuted far too many innocent luzers, his last victim was a friend...he's goin down!

    Better put on that creative writing hat gore cause I am fixin to open up a can-o-whoopass... LOL
    I have a question; are you the bug, or the windshield?

  8. #8
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    haha, yea right, i already have a big head.

    next episode your getting owned!!!!!!! lol

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