THE BASTARD SYS ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN #8
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  1. #1
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
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    Exclamation THE BASTARD SYS ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN #8

    Well i worked on this today and got it all done, alot of people are doing stories based on mine and portraying characters from my stories and i loved the idea that they were enjoying them enough that they wanted to do there own series too, and i remember in each post they said they would pop out another story when i got mine done, soooo i figured hehe what the hell lets give em something to REALLY work with lol anyways, no hard feelings guys i actually appreciate you all making stories based on mine so dont take this seriously, i just had to do the playful Bastard thing, anyway, i cant wait to see how you guys get out of these situations, i hope you have your stories out soon to, i liked them a **** load and i think all of you do a good job doing them. Well without further stalling, here it is, THE BASTARD SYS ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN #8

    ___________________________________________________________________________

    BASTARD SYSTEM ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN
    #8
    Written entirely by: gore.

    You thought Windows ME was a bastard, and then you met me.

    8:00AM: I wake up and get read for work and give Aeallison a call. “Hey your coming down to my company today they want a helper monkey for me and I think you need money”

    “No I don’t” he says. Check your bank account online I say. “YOU BASTARD!” Yea I know, see you in an hour “click”.

    I laugh and get ready for work. Odd how things electronic do what I want when I want.
    I have a feeling today will be a fun filled adventure.

    I arrive at work only an hour late and walk in to my area and sit down, log in and like clockwork the fone rings.

    Ugh, might as well. Today will be fun.
    Hello? Yes is this the computer room? Yes it is, thanks for your call, “click”.
    A minute later, “ring” Hello? You ***** I was not done talking! Oh! I’m so sorry sir, I thought you were. He sounds like he is unsure about the response and says “well you should be! I work harder than you ever did.”

    Ok enough playing around now I’m mad. What is your problem? “Well I can’t log in, a moron like you has probably screwed with something they don’t understand and screwed it up.”

    Me: You mean like you are doing as we speak?

    Him: What are you talking about? *click* *typing*

    I write a quick shell script that activates when he logs in. I find the problem he was having and fix it. I want to hear his reaction. I tell him to try it now.

    Him: Oh its letting me log on now, it’s about damn time; you morons are all over paid anyway.

    Me: Oh I’m so glad ill be able to hear this.

    Him: Wait! I logged in and it said “mail sent” I wasn’t typing any e-mail!

    Me: Yes you were, those millions of log in attempts cluttered our mail servers quota data for the stock ram.

    ***** head mode on*

    Him: Oh, well at least it’s working now, you *****.
    Me: Oh yes I guess I am over paid… As I’m talking he gets a reply from the “sent mail”
    Him: Oh no! My boss got a copy of the files I had stored on the server! He fired me!

    Who new the boss and his wife and kids would get an e-mail of a picture the security cameras picked up of him having sex with another male coworker; darn I guess its just bad luck.

    I look through his profile and find all of his personal information.

    After signing him up for 300 porn magazines and making a quick phone call to a friend who will be pretending to play a prank on this guys by waiting at home for him in bed with her I think I’ve pretty well solved this one.

    My friend has this ability to make people think he is one of those hidden camera show people, but when the husband gets home he’s going to run out the door putting clothes on and not say anything about a show, that should leave them with some talking to do huh?

    I leave for lunch and see he is on his way home. What the hell ill fallow, ill give my friend a ride home.
    I pull a few houses away and decide to wait. I hear a loud “what the ****?!”

    I look up and see my friend bolting out of there and I go pick him up and drop him off at home. Wow its fun being me.

    I pull in the parking lot at work and see Aeallison standing there.
    “Hey man”. Hi, I say.
    You ***** what happened to my bank account? Oh nothing *smile*
    Yea right, he says.

    Well this is where you’re going to be working, lets try you out.

    I walk in with him and find the boss and say this is the man being hired as my assistant. He looks at Aeallison and says ok. I walk into the lab and tell him to always be carrying a cat5 cable or something so no one asks you questions; they think you’re working this way.

    11:00 AM: Aeallison has been answering calls and being nice…what the hell? I need to retrain this boy, his bastard balls are in some luser’s jar somewhere.

    11:30 AM: I install 15 backdoors on Aeallison’s machine and log in it from mine and send a few mails to his son on college.

    Dear Son,
    I know we haven’t talked much lately, but there is a reason for this. You see I was afraid to talk to you because I wanted you to stay in the dark about my personal life. You see, I am a homosexual. It’s a secret I have kept from everyone, Your Mother and I had you purely for cover up purposes. I’m sorry Son you had to know this but I needed to tell you, you were born so people would stop calling your’ Mother a Clam Licker, and me a **** sucker. Again I am sorry son, but I felt you should know.
    -Gay Dad. (Yes I know readers it’s a punk band.)

    1:00PM: I guess I could spice things up for the next holiday at Aeallison’s house:

    Dear Dad,
    I know we only talk on holidays but I felt there is something you should know. The reason I was mad about you hooking me up with that girl last semester was because I had a boyfriend at the time. I know this is hard to understand but I felt I needed to tell you,
    -Son.

    1:30 PM: Well I guess Aeallison might get his meanness back to him so we have the bastard duo back again. I really crack myself up sometimes.

    I guess before I leave early today I can do one more thing. I walk into the boss’s office and lay out a few high times and crack whore monthly magazines and call up the CEO and tell him what I have found, he rushes down and cannot believe what he sees, he leaves a note on the boss’s desk to see him later on and I walk away and leave for the night, I’m tired and going to bed.

    In the next episode:
    Will the competition I have in bastard writing be able to squeeze out of these places I put them in with my total ***** skills? Will our hackin’ hero destroy more luser lives? Stay tuned to the biggest bastard of them all to see!

    _______________________________________________________________
    I hope you guys like it, it was a new experiance for me to actually have people to work with but i think it turned out good as usual, reply with opinions and comments

  2. #2
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    *claps* Hillarious man.

    Dear Son,
    I know we haven’t talked much lately, but there is a reason for this. You see I was afraid to talk to you because I wanted you to stay in the dark about my personal life. You see, I am a homosexual. It’s a secret I have kept from everyone, Your Mother and I had you purely for cover up purposes. I’m sorry Son you had to know this but I needed to tell you, you were born so people would stop calling your’ Mother a Clam Licker, and me a **** sucker. Again I am sorry son, but I felt you should know.
    -Gay Dad.
    If that doesnt get Aeallison pissed, and bring the bastard out in him, nothing will. He's gonna strike back with the vengeance, im glad im not in any of these accounts.

  3. #3
    Dead Man Walking
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    Well looks like i might have my work cut out for me on this one. But im damn sure gonna try. Good one gore

  4. #4
    BS, EnCE, ACE, Cellebrite 11001001's Avatar
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    Wait till the boss gets out of this conundrum...
    That's Officer 11001001 to you...
    Now you see me | Now you don't
    "Relax, Bender; It was just a dream. There's no such thing as two." ~ Fry
    sometimes my computer goes down on me

  5. #5
    Doc d00dz Attackin's Avatar
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    WOW gore does it again makes me fall out of chair. I sayed I was going to install a seat belt into my chair nailed to the floor, But that didn't hold me from the laughs. I really enjoy the laugh's, Thanx again gore and everyone else in "THE BASTARD SYS ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN" group.
    Cya, Everyone, Take Care!!! ~d00dz~ GREAT!!!
    First you listen, then you do, finally you teach.
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  6. #6
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    Wow, gore strikes humor into the hearts of millions with these. Great touch with the gay parents thing, i was laughing so hard.

    Keep up the good work.

  7. #7
    Dead Man Walking
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    Okay i was gonna edit my previous post and add this but it says im to late. For all of you Bastard sys admin fans out there check this out. My addition to the series and also as a special bonus a compalation of ALL the original Bastard System Admin from Michigan by gore. Yes boys and girls i took ALL 8 so far and have complied them into pdf format. For the one time low price of absolutley free. I will also be working on other compilations from the series like the boss and helper and victims.
    so without any further adoo heres the link :here

  8. #8
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
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    i honestly never thought my stories would be so popular, maybe i should right book. **** i just do em for fun and giggles but wow im glad you all like am so much.

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