customer support
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: customer support

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Posts
    309

    Arrow customer support

    Well , I got this in my email today! so enjoy !

    Dr Evil


    Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
    Tech Support: "What does it say?"
    Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
    Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
    Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
    Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
    Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
    Customer: "Ok."
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote'click'."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Customer: "I received the software update you sent,but I am still getting the same error message."
    Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
    Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
    Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
    Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
    Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
    Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
    Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
    Customer: "What?"
    Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
    Customer "No..."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
    Tech Support: ?@#$


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
    Customer: "A white one."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
    Customer: "How do you spell that?"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"
    Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)
    Tech Support: "Well then we can't-"
    Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'."
    Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now.
    You need to-"
    Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through."
    Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me."
    Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
    Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
    Customer: "Pentium."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
    Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
    Tech Support: "Well?"
    Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "What does not work properly?"
    Customer: " The foot-peddle"
    Tech Support: "The foot-peddle ..?"
    Customer: "Yes, the foot-peddle"
    Tech Support: "There is no foot-peddle on your computer"
    Customer: "Yes there is, a little foot-peddle with the long wire"
    Tech Support: "That's the mouse"

  2. #2
    Dead Man Walking
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    810
    OMG thats hillarious. kinda reminds me of the one about the guy calling tech support cause his screen went down and the tech support asked him to check the wires on the back and the guy said he couldnt see cause the power was out so there were no lights.

  3. #3
    Doc d00dz Attackin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    661
    Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
    Rofl, sounds like my friend calling me up!!! :Wlep: Great and funny post.
    Cya--d00dz attackin--
    First you listen, then you do, finally you teach.
    Duck Hunting Chat
    VirtualConvenience
    RROD

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    20
    Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

    Lmao that is pretty funny. Yai some of my friends are pretty ****n stupid too when it comes to computers.
    Some of them will be like how do I turn a picture into a .jpg format instead of a .bmp. *****ing Retards* Lmao Keep up the good work man.

  5. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Posts
    41
    Here are a few more... Jhollings

    I took a couple calls like this one. The caller complained that she was getting knocked off the 'net every now and then - she even managed to notice that she also always got a phone call at the same time. Of course, I then immediately asked her if she had call waiting. "No, I don't think so," she responded. Well, we can't exactly call a client a liar, so I had to move on and try to find something else that might be causing the problem, like maybe a Supra Express modem. About a minute further into the call she interrupted me to say, "Just a minute, I have a beep. I'll be right back." Hmm, you don't have call waiting, eh? After she finished with her other call (tip: disable your call waiting before phoning a help desk!), I politely suggested that maybe she should call the SaskTel business office and ask them whether she had call waiting.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
    Customer: "Ok."
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
    (At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

    Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
    Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A lady bought a computer from us. About a month later, she came in and asked us to install a sound card which can support CDROM drives. So we installed a Soundblaster Pro for her. A week later, she brings the machine in and starts ragging us out because her CDROM drive isn't working, and "It won't eject the disk."

    I look at the computer. "But you don't have a CDROM drive!" I exclaim. She points at the 5 1/4" disk drive and says, "What kind of computer salesman are you? Can't even recognize a CDROM drive when you see one?"

    It seems she had decided her 5 1/4" floppy drive was in fact a CDROM drive, and since the CD fit in quite nicely, it had to be a CDROM drive.

    Long and short of it: the drive was destroyed, the CD was destroyed, and all the technicians were laughing for a few hours.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Customer: (kindly old grandmother type) "I can't install your software. I tried to follow the instructions, but it just isn't working. Can you please help me, young man?"
    Tech Support: "Sure! Are you using the diskette or the cdrom version of our software?"
    Customer: "The cdrom version."
    Tech Support: "Are you using Windows 95 or Windows 3.1?"
    Customer: "Windows 95."
    I walked her through the basic steps of inserting the cdrom disk and getting to the 'Run' window.


    Tech Support: "Now type 'd:\setup' and then press the enter key."
    Customer: "It just gives me an error message, saying it can't find it."
    I tried several things. I tried different drive letters. I made sure the colon was actually a colon and the backslash was really a backslash.


    Tech Support: "Let's remove the CD from the drive, and then I would like you to inspect the shiny side for visible scratches or smudges. If we clean them, you might be able to get the computer to read the setup file."
    Customer: "I've taken it out. Do I have to slide this little metal shutter out of the way to see which side is shiny?"
    AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! (bang head, thump, thump, thump)


    Tech Support: "No, let's just insert it back into the computer and try typing 'a:\setup'."

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Customer: "What is this shiny record for?"
    Tech Support: "The shiny record?"
    Customer: "Yes, it came with the printer. It won't fit in the slot."
    Tech Support: "What slot?"
    Slowly it dawned on me that the shiny record was a cdrom disk, and the slot was the 3 1/2" floppy drive. She had no idea what a CD was or how to use it.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
    Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."

  6. #6
    AO BOFH: Luser Abuser BModeratorFH gore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    7,177
    these are kinda old, i posted em like...months ago, i posted the link for the rinworks website in mine to so if you wanna see like 9,000 of em go there. theres alot.
    Kill the lights, let the candles burn behind the pumpkins’ mischievous grins, and let the skeletons dance. For one thing is certain, The Misfits have returned and once again everyday is Halloween.The Misfits FreeBSD
    Cannibal Holocaust
    SuSE Linux
    Slackware Linux

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Fresnoooo
    Posts
    327
    well all I have to say is..it's amazing to find these type of people out there. I once spent 20 minutes trying to teach a woman (relatively young nintendo age type) how to manuver the mouse to click the start button. I guess she seriously lacked hand eye cordination...Then I found out that one of my teachers gave her a job of managing the student math database. I explained to the teacher that maybe it wasn't a good idea, if she wanted the job done in a timely fashion, and after a few good chuckles it was finally decided on that she would assist the students, while the teacher executed the computer end of it.
    Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes"; They will say, "Women don't have what it takes".
    Clare Boothe Luce

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

 Security News

     Patches

       Security Trends

         How-To

           Buying Guides