June 3rd, 2003, 04:21 PM
The Bastard Sys Admin From Michigan #9
Well I finally finished it a few minutes ago. this one took a while longer than usual but i think its a great one. Enjoy!!!
BASTARD SYSTEM ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN
Written entirely by: gore.
I formatted your back ups and then your HD, just because I felt like it. The bastard returns.
8:00 AM: I come into work today and feel like starting **** so I grep the mail server for the words bastard, my name, and STD. Wow I got a lot of matches. I take all the names with STD and check the mail out. Seems the accounting girl got dumped by her last BF for another man and she ended up with herpes.
I check into her account and find her parent’s names and for some reason, the e-mail address is listed… Why the hell not? I send them a quick e-mail and attach her e-mail about having an STD with it.
The accounting woman’s daughter comes in and asks her for lunch money. What the hell is this a bank? I take control of her machine and make a huge flashing sign saying “Your porn for less pick up is ready” Her daughter looks at her and starts laughing and says “I’m telling Dad!” This should be fun for her later.
I sit down and put in a CD. “Anal **** – 40 more reasons to hate us.” And relax. Just as I’m enjoying myself the damn fone rings, “Hello?” “Yes is this the ****ing computer room?” Yes it is I say.
Luser: Well it’s about time you ****ing moron! I lost my files and I need to log in.
Me: Well, we can’t have that now can we? What is your user name?
Me: Thank you, I’ll see what I can screw…I mean do. “Click”
I log in as him and check his e-mail. Seems he uses MY network to send e-mail to friends! I set up a simple script that when ever he sends an e-mail now it also sends another copy to the boss and another mail to the boss saying:
I want you to know I do not like you, I would quit my job but with the baby your wife is having because of me I need the extra money. By the way I’m sorry about your Mom being pregnant, I wore a condom, and how was I supposed to know it would break?
And then sends a new e-mail to his wife’s e-mail address saying:
I’m sorry I could not call last night, my wife was home all night bothering me and I couldn’t get free time, the stupid bitch doesn’t know I’m having an affair or that your pregnant, I will try tonight to get out of the house. See you then
That should teach him to ****ing yell at me.
I get back in my office and realize my assistant bastard is late. At least he is learning the way of the bastard again. He was turning helpful there for a minute, but I think I “straightened” him out. I sit down and log in under his account and realize he has been playing with more than my bank account.
The bastard has almost all of my porn backed up to his own FTP before I had a chance to take it home for a test spank! I log into his FTP and start changing things around; I take all my porn back and do a quick search of
I see a few disgusting pictures and upload them to his site renaming then to what mine were so the next time he has a “session” it will at least be ruined.
Wow this day has been more fun that I thought. I open a grep and check for mail with my name and the words computer, sex, and head in them. I see a lot of results and one has all of them. I open it up and see it’s from my boss.
He talks about getting a new computer and how he wants to have sex with Aeallison… I’m completely grossed out at this notion. What in the hell is he thinking? That is gross! I make a few back ups including to a private FTP server I have set up at home running Free BSD with a couple 486 PCs running Linux as firewalls.
Then I back it up to floppy and even mail my assistant bastard a copy. After all he should see this. I think we both are getting raises soon, and maybe some new toys. He has earned his right to be on my good side by being a mean bastard. I contemplate plugging the phone back in to call the boss but decide to mail him instead.
I mail the boss with a copy of what I found and tell him we will be having a little chat later on. Just then my assistant walks in late as hell. He sits down and logs in smiling at me as if he thinks I don’t know what he did. I tell him to check his e-mail and he does. His smile turns into a shocked look of horror.
I tell him don’t worry, I made copies and e-mailed the boss with one copy. Some how he doesn’t look thrilled ha-ha.
I decide to do a check on the farm animals in the lab because I notice a lot of activity on one terminal in the lab. I walk in and see a user sitting there using yet another program we do not have. I ask him about it and yet again get that loving answer “I found it on a free software site” How stupid can people be?
I ask and find out that he goes often to these sites and thinks it’s ok to download these. I show him a software piracy paper clipping and he almost faints. I uninstall all the software on his computer, hand him a manual and tell him to fix it himself or I will report him.
He looks at me sadly and I walk away with a smile. I get back into my office/lab and decide to go on Anti Online for a while. I log into my account and see a tutorial I wrote has gotten negged to ****ing ****. Ok now I’m pissed off, what kind of a **** sucker negs a tutorial with no message?
I e-mail the owners and get permission and log in under a special account and grab some logs. After finding the IP of the people who did this I log out and have some fun. I do a few checks on the IP and find the computers are both open and so I log into the computers and find all of their private information.
I sign them up for the usual gay porn and also sell them off to some known spammers and then post the IPs on http://www.****ingLamers.com and have a little more fun. I order a few things with the credit card numbers and send it all to people I don’t like so it gets traced to them. I take a screen shot of the desktop and see they are e-mailing a significant other and decide to play more.
I send another e-mail as them and tell the significant other that I have decided to dump them for their best friend and that time we slept together was only a way to get to her friends.
After all this I decide to let Aeallison have a go and he signs them up for rehab and makes a citizens arrest. I monitor both the ****er’s machines and see they are trying to type out “holy **** the cops are here” in IRC.
I send a few happy packets and crash the machines and then set up a script that reboots them into FDISK. This is going to be fun when they get out. Aeallison tells me he did not make a citizens arrest but he is friends with a few cops and I say “oh, now it makes more sense that the police are there already”.
This is turning more fun by the minute. I get up to grab some coffee because a tweaking admin is a less angry admin. I sit back down and check my mail, the boss has replied and decides to ask me what I want. I reply and say that I sent a copy to Aeallison and also made multiple back ups in case he wants to destroy it and that if he doesn’t give us what we want I will make it the MOTD.
I get a reply almost instantly and he offers anything we want. That’s a lot more fun. I ask Aeallison and he says a new car and I think the same thing. I reply and tell him we both will be getting new cars and new laptops and new PCs.
The reply comes again and he is pissed but says ok. I remind him both of us also expect a raise and send it. A minute later he e-mails me back and says ok. I make a few back up copies of the e-mails in case I want anything else and give Aeallison a copy too. This is a lot more fun now. I look at the clock and see it’s time to go home so Aeallison and I get our things and leave.
Coming in the next Bastard sys admin from Michigan:
Will our hackin’ duo find another way to torment everyone? Are the lusers going to try and strike back and have to find out why we are root and they are not? Who will survive and what will be left of them? Stay tuned until next time to find out!
Yea i know, i added a saying from the texas chainsaw massacre in there (Who will survive and what will be left of them?) but i had to
as usual please give lots of feed back to this so i know what you all liked and didnt like.
To think, This whole thing started from my little obsession to the BOFH series and some Vicodin. lol yea i know funny. anyway, hope you loved it. I am giving you all a slight vacation though, i dont think ill be working on one for a few days or weeks at least.
To much of a good thing is an awesome thing but to much of that makes your balls swell. but hey if i get more ideas and posotive feed back on it maybe ill pump out another one in a week or so. it all depends on you, the reader. so i hope you loved it and please post comments
June 3rd, 2003, 05:55 PM
What can I say? I laughed. I cried. But mostly just laughed.
Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
- Samuel Johnson
June 3rd, 2003, 08:37 PM
Wow Gore, you alllways make me laugh. Keep up these stories man
"I want you to know I do not like you, I would quit my job but with the baby your wife is having because of me I need the extra money. By the way I’m sorry about your Mom being pregnant, I wore a condom, and how was I supposed to know it would break?
-Luser. " was great lol
June 3rd, 2003, 08:54 PM
Thanks for the responces guys, good to hear. Keep the responces coming.
June 3rd, 2003, 09:56 PM
oh boy this shits just getting started. Is it safe to day Bastard Wars 2203 is oficialy started??????
June 3rd, 2003, 10:00 PM
That was funny I could not stop laughing great job Gore can hardly wait for the next one
June 4th, 2003, 03:16 AM
Wtf!!!!!!!! lol d@mn gore you make up the best $h|t!!!!!! So funny, I know this one you put a lot of work into because how long it is and how funny it is (I give it a 10, Out of 10)........ Keep up the great work Gore, and aeallison tell me what you are planning , heheeehe.
I sign them up for the usual gay porn and also sell them off to some known spammers and then post the IPs on http://www.****ingLamers.com
and have a little more fun. I order a few things with the credit card numbers and send it all to people I don?t like so it gets traced to them. I take a screen shot of the desktop and see they are e-mailing a significant other and decide to play more.
June 4th, 2003, 01:27 PM
I like it.. I love it...
thanks for the laugh gore . . I needed it..
now off to kill some (l)users download 98% 99% whack.. there goes the cat5
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
When in Russia, pet a PETSCII.
Get your ass over to SLAYRadio
the best station for C64 Remixes !
June 5th, 2003, 10:58 AM
This is art. It really is.
NOTE: never have anything that can be spilled next to you when reading this stuff.
Gore, way to got dude Excellent.
Ubuntu-: Means in African : "Im too dumb to use Slackware"
June 11th, 2003, 06:45 AM
GORE ...im talking serious now man .... this is NO bullshit .... make a freaking BOOK out of these excellent stories ... i just started readeng them all ( been reading almost 1 hour ) came to # 6 .... damn where do you get all these ideas .... hey let me pick on your brain a minute.... way to goo goreeeeee.... i dunno what to say....