What kind do you get? (adult humor)
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Thread: What kind do you get? (adult humor)

  1. #1
    Priapistic Monk KorpDeath's Avatar
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    Dec 2001

    Red face What kind do you get? (adult humor)

    Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on!"

    A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

    Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

    A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

    WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX: A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

    WOMEN'S HUMOR: My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

    A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."
    Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
    - Samuel Johnson

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Me, none. I know i'm 20, but i'm not married yet.

    jeeze, i hope i did'nt kill your thread with my rather boring statement up there.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Memphis, TN
    Haven't begun to think about marriage yet since I'm only 18, but maybe in a couple more years.

    Then we'll see what kind I get.

  4. #4
    BS, EnCE, ACE, Cellebrite 11001001's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Just West of Beantown, though nobody from Beantown actually calls it "Beantown."
    I dunno.
    That women's humor one at the bottom sounds awfully familiar.
    That's Officer 11001001 to you...
    Now you see me | Now you don't
    "Relax, Bender; It was just a dream. There's no such thing as two." ~ Fry
    sometimes my computer goes down on me

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Haa haa. . . Well right now, I'm still in the honeymoon sex stage. . basically anywhere, anytime. Don't know which one I'll end up in...Hopefully, this stage lasts for a little while. I'll keep posted if it changes
    Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes"; They will say, "Women don't have what it takes".
    Clare Boothe Luce

  6. #6
    Flash M0nkey
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    heh tech am still in that stage after 2yrs
    well we ain't married yet but we have been engaged for just over a yr - i think that fact that we only get to see each other like one weekend every fortnight sometimes even longer
    but it means when we do see each other...........well i think i've said enough!


  7. #7
    AO's Fluffy Bunny cdkj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Right Now it's women's humor it will stay that way until i done being mad at him
    I had to google 'jfgi' to see what it meant. The irony is overwhelming.

  8. #8
    Doc d00dz Attackin's Avatar
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    Mar 2003
    /me not married and am only 18, but I have a G/F . Hehehe......

    First you listen, then you do, finally you teach.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member geepod's Avatar
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    Jun 2002
    me well i had all of them for a while apart from the 40th anniversary now i am divorced i get the it s great to be free and F*** anyone i like Sex without worrying about the performance, hell im alwasy good anyway !
    Our destiny is to endure all hardships that we encounter along the path to what we perceive to be true and worthwhile !

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