These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website & obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.
Q: Will I be able to see polar bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you,ve been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto, can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only 4000 miles. take lots of water.....
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it is true what they say about Swedes!
Q:It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q:Are there any ATMS (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton, and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some info about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your north.... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tues. & Thurs. night in Calgary.
Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ge-ma-ny, which is ....Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tues. eve. in Calgary right after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: Why, we don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I might sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Yes, anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politition right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions of British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Totonto, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan gatherers . Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum . (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It is called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of any one walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking..
Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I was dating while in Surrey,B.C.
Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak english most places I go to? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.