Ever Spoken And Wished You Hadn't?
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Thread: Ever Spoken And Wished You Hadn't?

  1. #1
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    Ever Spoken And Wished You Hadn't?

    [shadow]

    Hair Salon
    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
    three kids in tow and asked loudly,
    "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
    job?"
    I turned around and walked back out and never went
    back.
    My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.


    Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX

    The Pad
    An insurance man visited me at home to talk about
    our mortgage insurance.
    He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me,
    and I wanted to follow as best I could,
    so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a
    pad.
    He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front
    of our guest.


    Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC

    Toilet Paper
    I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
    into the bathroom and
    wrapped himself in toilet paper.
    Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I
    ran for my camera and took a few shots.
    They came out so well that I had copies made and
    included one with each of our Christmas cards.
    Days later, a relative called about the picture
    laughing hysterically,
    and suggesting I take a closer look.
    Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
    discover that in addition to my son,
    I had captured my reflection in the mirror -
    wearing nothing but a
    camera.

    Golf Balls
    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
    of golf balls.
    I was unhappy with the women's type I had been
    using.

    After browsing for several minutes,
    I was approached by one of the good-looking
    gentlemen who works at the store.
    He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
    looked at him and said,
    "I think I like playing with men's balls."


    Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI

    Nuts about You
    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
    store that sold a variety of nuts.
    As we were looking at the display case, the boy
    behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
    I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
    My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
    grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
    To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


    Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

    Behave
    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my
    toddler decided to release
    some pent-up energy and ran amok.
    I was finally able to grab hold of her after
    receiving looks of disgust
    and annoyance from other patrons.
    I told her that if she did not start behaving
    "right now" she would be punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in
    a voice just as threatening,
    "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
    Grandma that I saw you
    kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
    The silence was deafening after this enlightening
    exchange. Even the
    tellers stopped what they were doing.
    I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
    out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
    The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
    me were screams of
    laughter.


    Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia

    Thumbtacks
    A lady picked up several items at a discount
    store.
    When she finally got up to the checker, she
    learned that one of her items had no price tag.
    Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on
    the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear,
    "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."
    That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of
    the store apparently
    misunderstood the word
    "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."
    In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over
    the intercom.
    "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB
    OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"


    Diane E. Amov

    No Accident
    Have you ever asked your child a question too many
    times?
    My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with
    potty training and I was on him constantly.
    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
    in between errands.
    It was very busy, with a full dining room.
    so of course I checked my seven-month-old
    daughter, and she was clean.
    Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go
    potty in a while, so I asked
    him if he needed to go
    and he said "No." I kept thinking,
    "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
    don't have any clothes with me."
    Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have
    an accident?"
    "No," he replied.. I just KNEW that he must have
    had an accident, because
    the smell was getting worse.
    Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
    have an accident?"
    This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
    bent over and spread his
    cheeks and yelled.
    "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
    While 30 people nearly choked ! to death on their
    tacos laughing!
    He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
    An old couple made me feel better by thanking me
    for the best laugh they'd ever had!


    Inches

    This had most of the state of Michigan laughing
    for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who
    will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
    What happens when you predict snow but don't get
    any....a true story.
    We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
    was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
    turned to the weatherman and asked: So Bob,
    where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half
    the crew did too they were
    laughing so hard!



    Nightfalls_Girl

  2. #2
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    LOL ! I was nearly on the floor Thanks!

  3. #3
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    LMFAOWROFL thats definitly made my day alot better!!

    PeacE
    -BoB
    #!/usr/local/bin/perl -s-- -export-a-crypto-system-sig -RSA-in-3-lines-PERL
    ($k,$n)=@ARGV;$m=unpack(H.$w,$m.\"\\0\"x$w),$_=`echo \"16do$w 2+4Oi0$d*-^1[d2%
    Sa2/d0<X+d*La1=z\\U$n%0]SX$k\"[$m*]\\EszlXx++p|dc`,s/^.|\\W//g,print pack(\'H*\'
    ,$_)while read(STDIN,$m,($w=2*$d-1+length($n||die\"$0 [-d] k n\\n\")&~1)/2)

  4. #4
    0_o Mastermind keezel's Avatar
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    "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB
    OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"


    That one had me nearly falling out of my chair! My roomate thought something was wrong with me, lol. Thank you so much!

  5. #5
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    lol yah that was my favrout to...



    Nightfalls_Girl

  6. #6
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    oh god nice work Nightfalls_Girl everyone of those were funny, if you have any more please postem lol.
    The internet, not just for stalkers and pervs, but for computer geeks too!

  7. #7
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    I got a big laugh out of those thanks for making my day a bit better
    That which is eternal cannot die.

  8. #8
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    ok will doo d00ds.


    Nightfalls_Girl

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