Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

Yo momma's so fat,
when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

Yo momma's so fat,
the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

Yo momma's so fat,
at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.

Yo momma's so fat,
Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma's so fat,
she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.

Yo mama so fat,
that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.

Yo momma's so fat,
I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

Yo mama' so fat,
she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

Yo momma's so fat,
they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

Yo momma's so fat,
she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.

Yo momma's so fat,
the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.

Yo momma's so fat,
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.

Yo momma's so fat,
all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Momma"

Yo momma's so fat,
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Yo momma's so fat,
instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Yo momma's so fat,
when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

Yo momma's so fat,
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Yo momma's so fat,
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

Yo momma's so fat,
a picture of her fell off the wall!

Yo momma's so fat,
her picture takes two frames.

Yo momma's so fat,
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
----------------------------------------------------------

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo momma's so ugly,
she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma's so ugly,
just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma's so ugly,
they push her face into dough to make cookies.

Yo momma's so ugly,
they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo momma's so ugly,
they didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.

Yo momma's so ugly,
instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo momma's so ugly,
her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo momma's so ugly,
her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

Yo momma's so ugly,
the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma's so ugly,
they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma's so ugly,
she made an onion cry.

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she went to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!

Yo momma's so ugly,
even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo momma's so ugly,
on Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!

Yo momma's so ugly,
she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma's so ugly,
people go as her to Halloween parties.

Yo momma's so ugly,
I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma's so ugly,
that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

--------------------------------------------------------

Yo momma's so stupid,
she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."

Yo momma's so stupid,
she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Yo momma's so stupid,
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she ordered her sushi well done.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thought she needed a token to get on soul train.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she bought a solar powered flashlight.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she sold the car for gas money.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thought asphalt was a skin disease.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.

Yo momma's so stupid,
when she saw the "NC-17" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.

Yo momma's so stupid,
when she heard 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she got fired from a blow-job.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she asked you what the number for 911 was.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Doggy Dogg's holiday album.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
-http://www.comedy-zone.net

Hey, I thought they were funny...