November 15th, 2003, 09:05 PM
A man rushes home, bursting through the front door of his house
yelling to his wife, Pack your bags baby, I just won the lottery!
Woooohooo!!!!That's great sweetie she replies,Do I pack for the beach or the mountains?"
Who cares, he replies, Just f**k off .
A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded skunk
on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it
up, and brings it into the car. She says, Look, it's shivering, it must be cold.
What should I do?
Her husband replies Put it between your legs to keep it warm.
She asks, What about the smell?
He says, Hold its nose.
A guy with a black eye boards his plane and sits down in his
seat.He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too.
He says to him, Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes;
mind if I ask how you got yours?
The other guy says, Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister
accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there So, instead of saying,I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,'Iaccidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'...........So she socked me a
The first guy replied, Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table this morning and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'you ruined my life you fat evil slag'
The new American Marine Captain was assigned to a Irish Regiment in a remote post in the Lebanese desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Irish Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir,is the nervous reply, As you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ...m-m-m....urges.That's why we have the camel, sir
The American Captain says, I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay. About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges.Crazy with passion, he asks the Irish Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the Sergeant, Is that how the Irish do it?
Uh, no sir, the Sergeant replies. They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He that knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner?"
"You'll see", says his dad. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking what
they're eating. Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint: Its what your mother sometimes calls me."
The girl suddenly screams at her little brother,
Spit it out! It's an arsehole!"
November 17th, 2003, 01:19 PM
funny indeed very funny
waiting 4 wt is next
Sometimes realitys are dreams we cannot live in.... (as my bst fren says) [/shadow]
November 19th, 2003, 03:56 AM
Hey Jm nice one.
My personall favourite was this;
'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'you ruined my life you fat evil slag'
November 19th, 2003, 04:01 AM
Huh nice jokes Jm, certainly made me smile loved the one with the couple whom found that half dead skunk.