Why We Love Children
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Thread: Why We Love Children

  1. #1
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    Why We Love Children

    I just got these in my email and thought they were pretty funny. So I'll share them with you.


    Why We Love Children
    >
    >1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
    >"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
    >"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
    >innocently.
    >You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
    >"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
    >didn't move."
    >
    >
    >2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
    >Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
    >"What?"
    >"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
    >"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
    >Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
    >"WHAT?"
    >"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
    >I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
    >Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
    >"WHAT!"
    >"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
    >
    >3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
    >finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
    >The boy thought it over and said,
    >"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
    >until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
    >
    >4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
    >a mother was tucking her son into bed.
    >She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
    >voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
    >The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
    >"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
    >A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
    > "The big sissy."
    >
    >5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
    >sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
    >One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
    >as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
    >"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
    >The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
    >"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
    >
    >6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
    >came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
    >the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
    >I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
    >"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
    >
    >7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
    >"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
    >Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
    >His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
    >The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
    >"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
    >"Yes," he answered.
    >Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
    >teaching my son in math?"
    >The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
    >The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
    >of a bitch is four?"
    >After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
    >two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
    >
    >8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
    >to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
    >to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
    >Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
    >falling!"
    >The teacher paused then asked the class,
    >"And what do you think that farmer said?"
    >One little girl raised her hand and said,
    >"I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
    >The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
    >
    >9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
    > "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
    >Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
    >The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
    >"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
    >She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
    >
    >10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
    >boys?"
    >Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
    >The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
    >"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
    >
    >11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
    >She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
    >eating a snack cake
    >The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
    >She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
    >

    Heres another email I got. Its pretty funny to.

    Q. What's a mans definition of marriage?
    > >
    > > A. A very expensive way to get your laundry done.
    > >
    > > ****************************
    > >
    > > A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with
    > >
    > > the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
    > >
    > > The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that
    > >
    > > your bride is pure."
    > >
    > > The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
    > >
    > > "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
    > >
    > > The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household
    > >
    > > appliances come in white."
    > >
    > >
    > >
    =

  2. #2
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    LMFAO, that's some funny stuff. I wish that i got some funny stuff in my email.
    All i seem to get these days are junk mail, and lot's of it.

    cheers
    creative

  3. #3
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    LMFAO, this is so funny. i havent laght this hard since 5 pm earlyer today lol

  4. #4
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    >3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
    >finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
    >The boy thought it over and said,
    >"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
    >until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
    Lol real creative

  5. #5
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    good ones cheyenne...

    and while it's easy to see why we love our children so much, it's another
    thing when it comes to posting those darn ">'s "

    and who isn't lazy ? isn't it a pain to edit all those >'s out ?

    here.. do the whole world a favor.. and make those >'s go away..
    and grab a copy of this great little app called the cleaner..
    (no, not the trojan cleaner app of the same name)

    http://ronbrandon.com/lukeminnie/email_cleaner.htm

    Just think of the massive amounts of bandwidth we'd save if all the >'s
    were cleaned from out from our emails..

  6. #6
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    ROFLMFAO. Those were the best ones ive seen in a while. Ahhhh i wish i got stuff like this in my inbox too. sadly just junk also.

    PeacE
    -BoB
    #!/usr/local/bin/perl -s-- -export-a-crypto-system-sig -RSA-in-3-lines-PERL
    ($k,$n)=@ARGV;$m=unpack(H.$w,$m.\"\\0\"x$w),$_=`echo \"16do$w 2+4Oi0$d*-^1[d2%
    Sa2/d0<X+d*La1=z\\U$n%0]SX$k\"[$m*]\\EszlXx++p|dc`,s/^.|\\W//g,print pack(\'H*\'
    ,$_)while read(STDIN,$m,($w=2*$d-1+length($n||die\"$0 [-d] k n\\n\")&~1)/2)

  7. #7
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    lol

    Well I found these emails buried between my hundreds of emails from antionline saying that someone had replied to the non sensical thread. lol

    Thanks for that link jenjen, but a &gt; won't eat up that much bandwith. lol
    And yeah, I am lazy. lol
    =

  8. #8
    Flash M0nkey
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    &gt;8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
    &gt;to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
    &gt;to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
    &gt;Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
    &gt;falling!"
    &gt;The teacher paused then asked the class,
    &gt;"And what do you think that farmer said?"
    &gt;One little girl raised her hand and said,
    &gt;"I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
    &gt;The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
    that owns -
    as for the whole &gt; thing they are annoying but most txt editors have a find & replace function which could be used to edit them out without the need for a sep app

    v_Ln

  9. #9
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    quite true v_Ln.. about editors.. but us lazy types need to count how many steps needed to perform a function..

    and you know I was being overly dramatic, cheyenne, about the bandwidth..

    just my feeble attempt at humour

    time to "do the turkey"

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