I didn't write these just passing them on, thought you could use a good
laugh !

My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a
mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor
my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When
I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big fu.ckin' red mark on
his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Three pregnant women are sitting chatting and knitting jumpers for
their expected kids. The first one says "I hope that I have a baby
boy, because I'm knitting a blue jumper." The second says "I hope
that I have a girl because I'm knitting a pink jumper." The third
woman says "I hope my kid is a spastic, because I've
fu.cked the arms up."

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has
just passed away. At the end of the service the pall
bearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan and open the casket to discover
that the woman is still alive. She lived for ten more
years, and then dies peacefully. A ceremony is again
held at the same place, and at the end of the
ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the
casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"Watch the fu.cking wall!""

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was
climbing into bed, when his wife complained, as usual,
"I have a headache". "Perfect," her husband said. " I
was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with
aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,
it's up to you!!!