Twas The Night Before
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Thread: Twas The Night Before

  1. #1
    AO's Fluffy Bunny cdkj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003

    Twas The Night Before


    Twas The Night Before Sexmas

    'Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat
    The kids were all gone, the old lady in heat

    The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook
    It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

    Mama in her teddy, and me in the nude
    Had just hit the bed and reached for the lube

    When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
    That I lost my boner and mama went dry.

    Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
    Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

    The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
    Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

    When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy deer.

    With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
    A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

    Sure as I speak, he was high as a kite.
    He yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

    Whoa Shithead, whoa *******, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
    Either slow this rig down or I'll cut off your nuts.

    Look out for the lamp post, don't hit the tree,
    Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta pee.

    They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
    Just as Santa leaned out and puked on a shrub.

    And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
    As each mangy deer was emptyin it's bladder.

    I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
    When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

    His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
    He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.

    "That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
    "The reindeer are pooped, think we'll stay here awhile.

    He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
    Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

    I started to laugh, as he smiled with glee,
    The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

    Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
    But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

    The first thing he found was a pair of fake ****,
    Then shaped like a gun was a penis that spits.

    A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
    And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.

    A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
    And quite a few things that I shouldn't mention.

    A **** ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
    A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

    "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will ****,
    So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."

    He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
    With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

    He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
    Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

    In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
    Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"

    The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
    "The best thing about sex is it never wears out!"
    I had to google 'jfgi' to see what it meant. The irony is overwhelming.

  2. #2
    Senior Member DeadAddict's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Hahahaha Good one Cdkj thanks for sharing it I got a good laugh out of it

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    "The best thing about sex is it never wears out!"
    True true lol....i wonder who made this poem...was it you cdkj lol?
    The one who made it must be speaking with expirience

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    .I've hread that before, something from my childhood, when my parants were more hippy like. ROund the campfire or something us kids all huddles in the basement away from the drunks. They were good nights apart from the exploding Ginger Bear bottles. But thats another story.

    Cheers for the trip down memory lane

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    thats mad funny. lololololololol exactly what the other person said they r talking with much experience

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Exploding Ginger bear bottles?
    Please Note: No trees were destroyed in the sending of this contaminant free message. We do concede, a significant number of electrons may have been inconvenienced.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Bless you CDKJ for that melodic piece of poetry
    What do you get when you cross a nun and a penguin?
    An operating system that won\'t go down on you.

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