January 25th, 2004, 12:59 PM
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing infront of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says....."Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice... "Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just to great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, John included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember which one you are, I am sure we had a lot of fun together and the sex must have been great if I keep a picture you. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
January 26th, 2004, 01:28 AM
The 2nd one is a killer. lol
January 27th, 2004, 12:12 PM
here is one more
THIS COULD BE ANYONE'S MOTHER!!!
Mrs Ferrara comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner, who lives with a female roomate Vikki. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate > >than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates." About a week later, Vikki came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Anthony replied, " Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Momma, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Anthony Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Momma which read: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Vikki, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Momma Lesson of the day - Don't Lie to Your Mother...
January 27th, 2004, 02:32 PM
now that I have stopped laughing, I can say that is one excellent joke.
January 28th, 2004, 06:15 AM
A husband was going fishing for the weekend with some buddies and his loving wife packed his clothes for him. When the husband came back from the trip he asked his wife if she was slipping because she hadn't packed his underwear. The wife replied that she had indeed packed his underwear, she had placed it in his tackle box.
"Somehow saying I told you so just doesn't cover it" Will Smith in I, Robot
January 28th, 2004, 08:48 AM
good joke liked it can't stop laughing
January 28th, 2004, 12:07 PM
lol m3mph15 that was good 1
Sometimes realitys are dreams we cannot live in.... (as my bst fren says) [/shadow]