George W. Bush's Resume
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Thread: George W. Bush's Resume

  1. #1
    Macht Nicht Aus moxnix's Avatar
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    George W. Bush's Resume

    Now this just might sprout a good discussion.
    For your thoughts and entertainment:

    George W. Bush's Resume

    George W. Bush
    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
    Washington, D.C. 20500

    Past Work Experience

    * Ran for congress and lost.
    * Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
    * Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
    * Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
    * With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

    Accomplishments in Previous Positions

    *

    Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
    *

    Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
    *

    Set record for most executions by any governor in American history.
    *

    Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

    Accomplishments As President

    * Attacked and took over two countries.
    * Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
    * Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
    * Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
    * Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
    * First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
    * First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
    * First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history.
    * After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
    * Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history.
    * In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
    * Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history.
    * Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
    * Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history.
    * Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
    * Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.
    * Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
    * Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
    * Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
    * Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
    * Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.
    * My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history.
    * Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).
    * First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
    * Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
    * First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
    * Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
    * Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.
    * First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission.
    * First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the elections monitoring board.
    * Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.
    * Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
    * Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
    * Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
    * First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).
    * All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
    * My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
    * Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.
    * First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
    * First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
    * First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government.
    * Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history).
    * With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
    * Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
    * First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
    * Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
    * Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
    * Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.'
    * Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
    * In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
    * Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history.
    * In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War.
    * Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

    Records and References

    * At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available)
    * AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
    * Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
    * All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
    * All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
    * All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
    * Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
    * For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (they can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)



    Stickers for the Bush 2004 Campaign

    Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars

    Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire behind

    Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-voodoo all over again!

    Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism

    Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just isn't good enough.

    Bush/Cheney '04: Making the world a better place, one country at a time.

    Bush/Cheney '04: Over a billion Whoppers served.

    Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "con" in conservatism

    Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for not paying attention.

    Bush/Cheney '04: The last vote you'll ever have to cast.

    Bush/Cheney: Asses of Evil

    Don't think. Vote Bush!

    George W. Bush: A brainwave away from the presidency
    \"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!\"
    Author Unknown

  2. #2
    Senior Member RoadClosed's Avatar
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    There are people that believe all that stuff? Seriously?
    West of House
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    There is a small mailbox here.

  3. #3
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    Most of it is true, RoadClosed (although most of it is a little exaggerated, and the choice of words may not be truely accurate ).

    How about a little challenge... you pick let's say five statements, and prove that they are wrong. Then you pick five other statements, and make me (and other takers) prove that they are correct.

    I'm ripping our entire CD collection, so I've got plenty of time

  4. #4
    King Arana: Super Moderator
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    I agree with most of this (I think it's mostly true) but..

    * First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
    He didn't "run and hide", he was in a kindergarden classroom reading a book when it happened and I'm sure another president has "ran and hidden". So that's definitely not true.

    And..

    * First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
    Do I really gotta answer this one?
    Space For Rent.. =]

  5. #5
    Senior Member RoadClosed's Avatar
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    Damn, that sounds fun maybe this after noon. If you say my other thread last night you will know that I am changing passwords across the board today.

    Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire behind
    Kerry flies around campaigning in his posh privately owned jet with oak paneling and all kinds of lovely things. Royalty checks from Heinz corp average around 20 million a year, and he's the man of the people? Is it fair to make comparisons? I'll take the challenge as time permits.

    Burn me some Cure CDs.
    West of House
    You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
    There is a small mailbox here.

  6. #6
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    I left all my Cure stuff in Belgium... we have the Greatest Hits, though
    You can obtain a copy by transferring $15 to my "Equal rights for foreigners: Neg for President" campaign fund.

    Is that Heinz as in the ketchup company? Respect!

  7. #7
    Senior Member RoadClosed's Avatar
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    Heinz the ketchup people, are a nasty capitalist dirty mangy people abusing global conglomerate. Most of which is over seas, outside USA.
    West of House
    You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
    There is a small mailbox here.

  8. #8
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    /me cries
    moxnix ...i lub u man
    /me wipes a tear
    and the funny thing is PEOPLE WILL STILL VOTE FOR THIS MORON!!! How blind.
    So Roadclose, should Kerry divorce his wife because she inherited the ketchup empire?
    What about Rice, the Vice president , Rumsfeld, Bush and his daddy's oil companies and their involvement in Iraq? Should it be alright for kerry to invade a country that has a large supply of ketchup using freedom of oppression as an excuse???

    hahah, you know what would be funny? If Canada had a prime minister who owned the world's largest manufacturer of Mayo.

  9. #9
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    You guys always crack me up. lol

    Can't believe you belive all that political propoganda.
    =

  10. #10
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    Proof, Cheyenne, we wants proof! It's not about believing it or not, it's about whether most of is true or not. My offer still stands (although I have a lot of yard work to do today!).

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