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Thread: The difference between men and women

  1. #1
    They call me the Hunted foxyloxley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    3rd Rock from Sun

    Post The difference between men and women

    [pong]I liked these, made me chuckle.[/pong]

    Girl's diary
    Thursday 24th June 2004
    Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that.

    The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.

    All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.

    I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed.

    I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.

    I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply.

    He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love.

    He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep.


    Bloke's diary
    Thursday 24th June 2004.
    England out of Euro 2004. Gutted. Got a s**g though.


    The differences between men and women
    If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah.
    If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes.

    When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in 20, even though it's only for 32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    A man will pay 2 for a 1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay 1 for a 2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale

    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    Women love cats.
    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secretfears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

    What a woman says: C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean.Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
    What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah,blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW


    Haircuts -- The difference between men and women

    Women's version:

    Woman 2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
    Woman 1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
    Woman 2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
    Woman 1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
    Woman 2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
    Woman 1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
    Men's version:

    Man 2: Haircut?
    Man 1: Yeah.
    55 - I'm fiftyfeckinfive and STILL no wiser,
    OLDER yes
    Beware of Geeks bearing GIF's
    come and waste the day :P at The Taz Zone

  2. #2
    0_o Mastermind keezel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Haircut? Yeah. - I've actually had that conversation...

  3. #3
    They call me the Hunted foxyloxley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    3rd Rock from Sun
    I'm worried that in MY 'bit' of the bathroom, there are only FOUR items
    55 - I'm fiftyfeckinfive and STILL no wiser,
    OLDER yes
    Beware of Geeks bearing GIF's
    come and waste the day :P at The Taz Zone

  4. #4
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Living with as many girls as I have and do now, I've learned a lot. For one, I don't care if they just brushed the hair different that morning, I say something.

    Woman always ask if you notice something different. Regaurdless of if you do, you damn well better say something. Carry of picture of her daily. Take a new one each day, that way when she asks, say "Oh one sec, I need to grab something in the other room" Run off, and grab something to drink while you look at the picture, and compare it to what she looked like a minute ago, then tell her.

    Not only do woman love this, but anyone who has seen me known I'm a chunky punk. I also have had more girls in the last 3 years than most men do in there whole life. I listen, I talk, and I can bullshit very well.

    add that together with actually craing sometimes, and my humor of course, as girls love dudes who can make them laugh. True story:

    I was in a van with my ex GF, who at the time I was dating, and I called one of her friends a food slut. Normally this would end up with a dude getting smacked. Instead it broke the ice between me and her friends and they laughed. The presentation is everything. I said it in a funny joking manner, and I knew WHEN to say it. Trust me, it will save your ass.

    I doubt there is anyone at this web site that I have never made laugh, I know I'm funny. And I enjoy making people laugh so that works out good. I'm a total smart ass but I add humor to it to make it loveable, and it works.

    I'm good with woman. And I'm only 21 Heh, I've figured **** out that most men die trying to learn.

  5. #5
    HeadShot Master N1nja Cybr1d's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Boston, MA
    you make ME laugh ...i've read some of your funny **** before....pretty good stuff. Dig up those MCDonalds pranks

  6. #6
    Women love cats.
    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
    Instead of kicking cat, i tend to leave the backdoor open a few seconds to long..
    A cat pulls the funniest face when 2 Rottweilers come bounding in through the door looking for Desert..

  7. #7
    They call me the Hunted foxyloxley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    3rd Rock from Sun
    More on the differences between the sexes ..............
    Just added to the old, rather than starting a new one.......

    The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background
    checks,interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists. Two
    men and a woman.

    For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door
    and handed him a gun.

    "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
    circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.

    Kill Her!!!"

    The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent
    said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go

    The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
    into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
    with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

    The agent said "You don't have what it takes, take your wife and go home."

    Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the instruction to kill her
    husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot
    after another. They heard screaming,crashing, banging on the walls. After a
    few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the

    She wiped the sweat from her brow.

    "This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with
    the chair".

    Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
    55 - I'm fiftyfeckinfive and STILL no wiser,
    OLDER yes
    Beware of Geeks bearing GIF's
    come and waste the day :P at The Taz Zone

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