Good: Your boyfriend’s exercising.
Bad: So he’ll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your daughter’s on the Pill.
Bad: She’s eleven.
Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She’s coming home.
Good: Your wife’s kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son’s room.
Worse: You’re in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband’s a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: You can’t find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter “borrowed” it.
Bad: Your wife’s arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You’re arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter’s the headliner.