Thinking of buying a jet fighter?

[foxyloxley]

Subject: FW: Thinking of buying a jet fighter?

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee who obviously has a sense of humour (and w-a-a-a-a-y too much time on their hands).. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it down immediately. (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too...)
----------000----------
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name: ................ Middle Initial:........

Last Name:............................................

Password: ............................. (max. 8 char)

Code Name:..............................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
...../......./......

4. Serial Number:........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most
influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas
product:

[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] CD Player
[_] Home Computer
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] ICBM
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all that apply

[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as, allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to
win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?

Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is
confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons
with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious
beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
distribution or copying of this email is not authorised (either
explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux
pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct
context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any
legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.
No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although
the Scottish Terrier next door is living on borrowed time, let me
tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by
reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and
your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your
pets.

If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg
and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
This email is intended to be sent to you. If you don't receive it
send me your email address and I'll send you another copy.

[Moissonite]

Alternatively you can buy one direct (seriously) from this webstore for only £199,999 - bargin!

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/ZZL39JET.htm

[hypronix]

Everything in tech humor should be considered work-unfriendly

[devildell]

wow, you can buy a jet online........ sometimes i love the internet

[yourdeadin]

wow, you can buy a jet online........ sometimes i love the internet

some times!!!!!

[CybertecOne]

hehe, how many ppl had to look up 'absquatulation' before they read any further


nice read anyways



CTO

[keezel]

Main Entry: absquatulation
Function: noun
Definition: the action of going away suddenly and squatting somewhere; making off, decamping
Example: If the actress does not make an appearance soon, her fans will imagine a total absquatulation.
Etymology: an Americanism simulating a Latin formulation

[CybertecOne]

hmmm... just read that 'buy fighter jet online' page.... and like... are they dead serious?

seems that way..... *shrugs* i suppose its just a jet after the military stuff is removed, but even so i thought there werent civillian planes and couldnt be bought??


CTO

[foxyloxley]

but even so i thought there werent civillian planes and couldnt be bought??

Of course you can buy fighters ..........
Next time you see an air show, either local, or on the TV.
Remember:
It is one BIG advert for the industry.

And they do come fully equipped, kinda silly to spend all that money and not kill SOMEONE

[kurt_der_koenig]

You can buy a military jet online? dam I thought cars where enough especially since people can't drive them. oh well.

you'll get about four miles to the gallon

umm...and I'm poor now hah!