Warning for parents!
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Thread: Warning for parents!

  1. #1
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
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    Talking Warning for parents!

    Now I know that not all of us have kids, but a number of us do. And, as mentioned in the quote, it could remind those of you not ready to have children to use birth control...

    Oh, and my son is past the age for most of this, so it is hilarious to me


    For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
    For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
    For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
    For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.





    Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):

    1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

    2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

    3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

    5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

    8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

    10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

    11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    12. Super glue is forever.

    13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

    14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

    16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

    19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

    20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time to my house.

    21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  2. #2
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    Good one Deb.

    This one gives a great visual image in your mind.

    If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
    \"You got a mouth like an outboard motor..all the time putt putt putt\" - Foghorn Leghorn

  3. #3
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    I'll have to consider that a warning... lol

  4. #4
    AO Senior Cow-beller
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    Truth is funnier than fiction.
    "Data is not necessarily information. Information does not necessarily lead to knowledge. And knowledge is not always sufficient to discover truth and breed wisdom." --Spaf
    Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made president should on no account be allowed to do the job. --Douglas Adams (1952-2001)
    "...people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right." - Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

  5. #5
    AO's Resident Redneck The Texan's Avatar
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    funny stuff and all so true lol
    Git R Dun - Ty
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  6. #6
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    I was gonna make a little collection of the ones i thought was the best. But god damn. You had me and my work mates in stiches.

    Excellent Post.

    This is getting printed, and placed next to my prinout of Murphy's Laws.
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    If You\'ve Done Something Right. People Wont Know You\'ve Done Anything At All - God (futurama)

  7. #7
    THE Bastard Sys***** dinowuff's Avatar
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    Still LMAO! Great one

    I'm still learning the "dad, do you love me?" means "I broke, hurt, lost or flushed something".

  8. #8
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
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    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
    That's the only one I've had first hand experience with. And as a corollary to that...your landlord generally refuses to pay for the plumber to fix whatever caused the "uh oh" and you're out a couple hundred dollars on top of it.
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  9. #9
    0_o Mastermind keezel's Avatar
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    Lol, very nice. Btw I did about 1/4 of the above mentioned as a child. I was one of those ADD kids that terrorize the neighborhood. I pulled the indoor baseball one at a friend's house tho so I'm not sure if it counts...

  10. #10
    AO Guinness Monster MURACU's Avatar
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    I can laught at these but there is one or two missing :
    Nothing is child proof.
    nothing is unbreakable.
    If buying pants or jeans for a boy buy them with holes already in the knees.
    White clothes dont stay white.
    If you do put white clothes on a child they will invariably find the only mud puddle within a ten mile radius.
    \"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.\"
    \"The reason we are so pleased to find other people\'s secrets is that it distracts public attention from our own.\"
    Oscar Wilde(1854-1900)

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